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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058265">Love is Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetfascination/pseuds/closetfascination'>closetfascination</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>13 Reasons Why (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst, Attraction, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Falling In Love, Fluff, Guilt, High School, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lust, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New Relationship, Smoking, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:01:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetfascination/pseuds/closetfascination</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened between Alex and Winston in the two weeks between the Dance and the Senior Camping Trip?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Standall/Winston Williams, Charlie St. George &amp; Alex Standall, Tyler Down &amp; Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey &amp; Alex Standall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Valentine's Dance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not condone drinking and driving, but fair warning there is mention of drinking and driving at the beginning of this story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>February 15, 2019</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hated Valentine's Day. He considered it a corporate holiday that only served to sell cards, candy and the idea of love to the masses. He also hated dances. For someone that hated Valentine's day and dances, he was weirdly excited for the Valentine's Dance this year. What was different this year? He wasn't sure, but he felt like something was awakening inside of him. He always felt different, and like something was missing before, missing in his relationship with Jessica. He loved her and thought he was attracted to her. But he was starting to question what he felt. They had sex, but it was never good. I mean, it was ok, he guessed, but never as mindblowing as people say sex should be. He always blamed himself for that.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This year was different because he asked a boy to the dance. Winston. He wasn't sure what it meant. What he did know is that he felt very attracted to him—more than he had been willing to admit at first. Alex reminisced about how when he asked, he couldn't take his eyes off of Winston. His words said, "as friends..." but his eyes and body were saying something different and then he kissed him. At first, he was scared it would be another Zach situation, but Winston was into it. And then kissed and kissed and kissed that night. He hadn't wanted the night to end. He had butterflies in his stomach like he used to with Jess at the beginning. The butterflies haven't stopped either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight, Alex was meeting him at the dance. He was waiting for Zach to pick him up, and it seemed like he was running late. His eyes caught his reflection in the mirror, and he fussed with his hair a bit until he decided it looked good. His phone vibrated in his pocket, his signal that his ride had arrived and was waiting for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex ran downstairs and called out, "Bye, Mom, I'm off to the dance."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok Alex, be safe and let me know if your plans change. Remember your curfew is midnight!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, Mom. Byeeee."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Have fun", Carolyn called after him as Alex limped down the front walkway towards Zach's car. His limp wasn't as bad as it used to be, but it was still there. The scent of Zach's cologne and bourbon greeted Alex as he opened the car door and got in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Awww Zach, pre-gaming again?" Alex frowned, scrunching his nose, "Are you sure you should be driving?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just a little bit. Don't worry, I'm not even feeling it yet, I'll get you to the dance safely," Zach grinned as only Zach Dempsey could, "You want some?" he offered, thrusting his flask toward Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, thanks... I want to keep my head clear tonight," he declined, smiling. The truth was, for the first time in a long time, Alex wanted to feel his feelings. Zach had been taking a different approach recently. It was rare to see Zach sober, which, if Alex was honest with himself, was starting to be concerning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok Standall," he grinned again, tucking the flask back into his suit jacket. He put the car into drive, and we were off. He didn't know how ok Zach was to drive, but he was committed now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'll probably get Winston to drive me home so that it will be fine </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They arrived at the dance after about 5-minute car ride. Nothing was far in town. Alex scanned the crowd for Winston but couldn't see him, so they sat down at the back of the dance, taking it all in. The dance committee has done an excellent job decorating, as usual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they watched the masses dance, Zach noted wryly, "So, remind me why two cripples are at a dance?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex searched the crowd for Winston and replied slightly, irritated, "Can you stop being a dick for two-seconds?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and retorted, "Nuh-uh..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex considered telling him why he was really here, but instead, I said, "It's our last semester, we should be doing high school shit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmm...Well in that case," Zach pulled his flask of bourbon out and took a long swig, howling and offering, "You want some?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um no, I'm good," he replied, spotting Winston taking a photo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dude. Woah, where are you going? Stop!" Zach called after Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ditching you." Alex continued to walk away from him, "You are kind of cramping my style."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Are you serious?" Zach sounded shocked but was grinning as he said it, so it was hard to take him seriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, you will be fine. Go work that Dempsey magic."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, you mean a little of this Dempsey magic?" he said as spun around, "Oh ah! Oh, you got a little salsa dance going?" And Zach danced off to meet Ani and Clay. <em>Thank god, I finally lost him. I love Zach, but I don't need a third wheel tonight</em> Alex thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He caught Winston's eye from across the dance. Winston smiled, and Alex's butterflies intensified. <em>Play it cool, Standall</em> he thought, licking his lips, smiling and headed towards him. Alex didn't feel cool. He felt nervous and unsure but outwardly seemed to be faking cool reasonably well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How goes documenting the dance-related lameness?" Alex commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh you know, I think I've captured most of the awkward dances, sloppy kisses and typical dance drama," Winston beamed at him, snapping a few more pictures. "I could use a break though; it is pretty hot in here, do you want to go for a walk?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure, "Alex agreed, thinking <em>I was hoping we would do more than walk.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>They only made it as far as the dark hallway when Winston leaned in hungrily to kiss Alex. The hall was empty, but knowing that anyone could walk by made it feel kind of dangerous. Alex kissed him back. Winston's lips were soft, Alex noticed, but their kisses were aggressive and hungry. Alex struggled to breathe, but for the first time in his life, this was a good thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston stopped to catch his breath, "Is this ok?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, it is," Alex replied immediately and then the part of him that was still confused about all of this added, "Um, I just never...You know I'm not really sure if I'm..." his voice trailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alex." Winston interrupted, "You're Alex, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt dumb, but he agreed, "Well, yeah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston smiled, and his intense hazel eyes met Alex's, "That's all I care about. You wanna stop?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Any doubt Alex had moments ago was washed away, and he responded by kissing him hungrily. He didn't want to stop. Winston led Alex from out from the centre of the hall, towards the vending machines. At the same time, they continued to kiss in a way that was more passionate than any kiss Alex had experienced so far. It was like time stood still. They carried on for a while, only stopping when they heard footsteps slowly approaching. Alex pulled away from Winston and out of the corner of his eye, saw Clay walk by looking like he was a character in some slasher film. It was starting to look like the slasher marathon at the Crestmont might have been a safer activity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His white shirt was untucked, and there appeared to be fake bloodstains all over it. He was carrying what looked like a knife. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston and Alex gave each other a shocked look and jolted Alex out of the happy place he had been in all night back to reality. The reality that he had killed someone and his friends had helped cover it up. <em>If it had been up to me, I think I would be dead or in jail right now. I probably didn't deserve to be as happy as I had been moments ago.</em> Alex thought to himself. Seeing Clay all fucked up and clearly not handling things well reminded him of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went around to a different entrance to see if they could see what was going on. Nobody was dancing anymore, and Clay seemed to have no idea what happened. Ani shocked, says, "Jesus Clay. You're right. I can't fix this," before walking out of the gym. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wasn't sure if Winston could see the panic in his eyes, but he needed to get out of there. Alex grabbed his hand, not caring if anyone noticed and went back through the door they came through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you ok, Alex?" Winston inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh yeah, I just needed to... uh... get out of there, "Alex said breathing shallowly. Alex could almost feel one of his panic attacks coming on. <em>Ok Alex, deep breath in, deep breath out</em>,  he coached himself through a breathing exercise that Dr Ellman had given him to help with his anger and anxiety. It worked if he could remember to do it early enough. Alex found the breathing exercise worked better with his anxiety compared to his anger. Alex got angry so quickly most of the time; it was usually too late to do a breathing exercise to calm himself down. Within a few breaths, he felt better. Alex was still holding Winston's hand, hoping he didn't care how clammy his palms were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston looked Alex straight in the eye with concern and suggested, "You want to come back to my place," he paused and finished with, "or if you are done with tonight I can drop you off at home?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took a moment to think before he answered. Part of him wanted to collapse in his bed and feel sorry for himself and wallow in the certainty of never deserving to be happy ever again. Another part of him wanted to explore the comfort of Winston's presence, the distraction of feeling intense attraction to someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let's go back to your place," Alex answered, sounding more confident than he felt, "But I need to be home by midnight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Midnight, eh, Cinderella? I thought your name was Alex?" Winston teased, leading them toward his car, "If you want to stay the night, I'm sure that could be arranged too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your parents won't care?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My parents are barely around, Alex," he sighed sadly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll text my mom to see if it is ok with her," Alex agreed, composing the text message to his mom, the butterflies in his stomach returning. The truth was, he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts tonight. The text message came back quickly and said. "Sounds good Alex- I'll see you in the morning. Be safe."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex could feel the corners of his lips curl upward into a slight smile, and I nodded, "I'm good to stay the night. Shall we?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My chariot awaits", Winston noted ironically, smiling. They kept smiling like fools at each other. It was precisely the distraction Alex needed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Valentine's Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things escalate quickly when Alex decides to stay over at Winston's house for the night after the dance.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Smut warning: they get past just kissing this chapter into the realm of oral sex.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>February 15, 2019</strong>
</p><p>Winston's car was nice. Rich kid nice, it smelled of leather and was very clean. It wasn't as new as Alex expected, an older Mercedes-Benz C63.</p><p>As Winston turned the car on, his music came on. Talking Heads, Psycho Killer. It was a good song. Alex had a soft spot for New Wave Punk. There is something about it that newer Punk Rock seems to have lost. The irony of this song coming on his first time in Winston's car was not lost on him though. <em>Winston</em><em> couldn't know, could he?</em> The lyrics ran through Alex's head as they drove towards Winston's house.</p><p>
  <em> I can't seem to face up to the facts </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm tense and nervous, and I can't relax </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don't touch me I'm a real live wire </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Psycho Killer </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Qu'est-ce que c'est </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-far better </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away oh oh </em>
</p><p>Part of Alex wanted to do precisely that. Run away. <em> But honestly, it doesn't matter how far I run; I can't run away from what I did. Psycho Killer, that's me. Fuck, what was I even doing here? </em>His thoughts were spiralling, and he wondered if Winston noticed how quiet he had become.</p><p>Winston's voice interrupted the private pity party Alex was having for himself. "You like New Wave?" he asked.</p><p>"Yeah, actually, a lot. And Post-Punk, like Joy Division."</p><p>"Cool, I think I have one of their records. Today's music lacks the soul of the stuff from the past. I collect records. The analogue sound is so much better than digital. I play you their record when we get back to my place."</p><p>"I can't wait." Alex smiled and stared at Winston until he looked away from the road, briefly to catch his gaze.</p><p>They pulled up to a large mansion with a fountain in the centre of the driveway. Alex wasn't surprised given that Winston used to go to Hillcrest. The school wasn't cheap. The outside of the mansion was illuminated, but most of the lights inside were dark aside from the foyer. They entered after Winston used a code to get into the house and disarmed the security system. It was surprisingly dark and empty as if no one was home. The house was a typical mansion—large vaulted ceilings, a large staircase that was seemingly the feature of the tastefully decorated house. Winston's parents seemed to have a minimalist style. Everything was black, white or grey.</p><p>As if reading Alex's mind, Winston commented nonchalantly, walking up the stairs toward a living room, "My parent's style is a bit cold. But it kind of fits their personality. They are rarely around; my Dad is always taking business trips. I suspect my mom has a secret lover because she doesn't work and she is never home either, except to bug me about letting the maid clean my room. And when she is home, she is in bed by 9:30 pm when she takes her nightly sleeping pill."</p><p>As they reached the top of the staircase, they entered a small living room. Mounted on one wall,  was a flat-screen tv above an entertainment centre with shelves filled with hundreds of records. A turntable sat on one of the shelves.</p><p>"You want to listen to some records? If you never have before, the sound quality is so much better, especially if the original was recorded in analogue. Why don't you pick one out for us to listen to?"</p><p>Alex started to look through the records from the left-hand side of the shelf. There were so many it was hard not to lose myself in looking through them.</p><p>"These are meticulously organised, alphabetical it seems?" Alex noted as he continued to look for an album.</p><p>"Yeah, my father instilled in me the importance of a well-organised record collection."</p><p>Alex was still in the A's when an Arcade Fire album caught my eye. Funeral. He had heard of Arcade Fire but wasn't familiar with this album.</p><p>"This one, "he handed the album over to Winston.</p><p>"Oooh, nice pick. This album is great! Interesting instrumentals, thoughtful lyrics, a little dark..." Winston trailed off as he placed the record on the turntable.</p><p>As Winston cued up the music, Alex took a seat on the very comfortable leather couch.</p><p>"Do you ever get lonely in this big empty house?"</p><p>"I guess I'm just used to it. As an only child, I've learned to entertain myself," he said, Winston's eyes betraying some sadness.</p><p>"Loneliness is a pretty common human condition. I mean, I've been lonely for a while too." Alex admitted.</p><p>"Yeah, it seems like your friends are dealing with their own shit right now. It is hard to be there for people when you've got your own demons to fight," he gave a concerned look and then inquired, "What was up with Clay tonight?"</p><p>"Clay's... not alright. It is a long story and one I don't really want to get into tonight." Alex shifted uncomfortably on the couch looking away, hoping Winston wouldn't see the guilt in his eyes. "I'll be honest with you; I was hoping you'd distract me from that tonight." Alex made eye contact hopefully, still feeling regular guilt he was used to carrying around.</p><p>Winston laughed, "Distract you, eh?" He met my eyes, and the intensity seemed to burn into Alex's soul, almost teasing him with his inaction. More than anything, Alex wanted to pick up where they had left off in the hallway. Winston moved slowly towards Alex on the couch, pressing his body right next to Alex's. It was as if time stood still again as it had earlier in the evening, and the mere touching of their bodies reignited my desire. With each touch, Alex became less confused. At that moment, he was never more sure of his attraction to guys, or at least never more convinced that he was attracted to Winston. Winston moved in, kissing Alex softly, parting his mouth slightly, inviting Alex to kiss him harder. Alex wrapped his arm around Winston and pulled him closer. Alex nibbled Winston's bottom lip slightly, breathing deeply, inhaling his scent hungrily. Winston smelled really nice like expensive cologne and Alex felt as though he could drink his fragrance in all night.</p><p>They stopped for a moment to catch their breaths. Alex was getting hot, so he took his jacket off. Winston ran his fingers under Alex's shirt, across his pecs seemingly wanting to take his shirt off. Alex consented by raising his arms to help him. Winston's touch was electric; Alex could feel himself getting harder and harder with every touch. After helping Alex out of his shirt, Winston took his own jacket off and started to unbutton his shirt.</p><p>"Are you still cool with this?" Winston asked. Alex found it so adorable that he was asking.</p><p>Alex answered by wrapping his arms around Winston, squeezing their now bare chests together, continuing to kiss him as if he was the last person he would ever kiss. Alex's body kept responding with yes as his erection pressed against Winston causing him to pause and offer, "You want me to, uh, take care of that for you?" Alex nodded at a loss for words. Jessica never liked giving head and didn't seem to enjoy the one time Alex had tried to pleasure her. As Alex nodded, he felt Winston's lips collide with his again and then start to find their way down his chest. Lower and lower, Winston teased Alex eventually reaching his belt buckle, only a brief pause needed to free Alex's hardness from his pants. Alex could hear his heart pounding in his chest. Winston's mouth engulfed his erection, and he expertly and rhythmically worked; Alex came rather quickly, which wasn't always the case in past sexual experiences. </p><p>Winston collapsed on Alex's chest. Alex played with his curls and felt super content to cuddle for a bit.</p><p> Winston looked up at Alex mischievously tracing the other boy's nipples with his fingers, "How was that?"</p><p>"Mind-blowing." Alex grinned and blushed a little, "I've uh never done that before, but I'd, uh like to return the favour."</p><p>"You don't have to...." Winston's voice trailed off, "Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yes, I want to. Doesn't seem fair..." Alex gave him a slight smile while gazing into his eyes, longingly.</p><p>Winston lifted his head off my chest, undid his pants and positioned himself to receive Alex's kisses. He worked his way down as Winston had with him moments ago. Alex accepted his hardness into his mouth and tried to replicate what had been done to him. Everything about this was better than the one time I tried with Jessica. Before long, Alex's workings led to Winston's release.</p><p>"Alex... "Winston uttered breathlessly, "Thank you." he smiled and blushed again.</p><p>By this point, the record Alex chose was over, and they decided to head to bed. They gathered our clothes and Winston led Alex to his bedroom. They both changed into some pyjamas and moved into the bed.</p><p>Alex spooned Winston, for a bit, enjoying feeling the warmth of his body against his. Winston rolled over to face me and asked, "Are you sufficiently distracted?"</p><p>"You have no idea how much." Alex laughed softly, feeling a strange feeling he hadn't felt in a while. He paused to consider what it was. Happy. Alex felt happy. Winston rolled back over, allowing Alex to spoon him again and the warmth of their bodies and deepening breaths lulled them to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Waking Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex and Winston discuss their relationship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a short fluffy chapter where Alex and Winston discuss their relationship.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>February 16, 2019</strong>
</p><p>The sun pouring through the window woke Alex from his slumber. Winston was still passed out. He looked so peaceful sleeping there, his curly brown hair tousled from sleep. Alex was still processing what happened last night. He never considered the possibility that he might not be straight, or rather it wasn't something he had previously given much thought to until recently. But here he was, lying in the bed of a guy he definitely had feelings for. Strong feelings or at least a powerful attraction; it was hard to tease out what emotions were there as the intense physical attraction clouded everything. Feelings like he'd never felt before.<em> I loved Jessica but it felt different from this </em>Alex mused, rolling from his side to lie on his back.</p><p>Staring at the ceiling, he tried to process the thoughts running through his head. Alex grabbed his phone to see if he had any texts. Nothing. Which in some ways was a good thing? Lately, text messages were usually emergencies, a new crisis stemming from his shitty action. <em> I don't think I've ever done anything I regret more </em>he reflected. And somehow he seemed to be dealing with everything the best, at least outwardly. </p><p>Winston stirred beside Alex, stopping his thoughts from spiralling any deeper. His eyelids fluttered open, and he gave Alex a goofy grin. Alex smiled back, finding it impossible to resist.</p><p>"Good morning, Alex," Winston exhaled softly, propping himself up on one elbow, looking down at Alex as he stared up at the ceiling.</p><p>"Morning..." Alex said, his smile reached his eyes, his eyes stared back at Winston, still a bit in wonder. He wanted Winston to kiss him again. As if Winston could read Alex's mind, he leaned in and kissed him softly, more sweetly than last night. It was nice. It felt nice. Alex reached up and ran his fingers through his dark brown curls and kissed him again.</p><p>"I had a great time last night," Alex sighed.</p><p>"You did, did you?" Winston chuckled.</p><p>"Yes... is that so hard to believe?"</p><p>Winston grinned again, teasing, "You uh have an interesting idea of being "friends"?"</p><p>"Ha, you could say that. I mean we did get pretty, uh friendly," Alex joked back, "That said... I'm still figuring all this out, and I'm not sure if I'm ready..."</p><p>"Ready for what?"</p><p>"Ready to uh you know be public about all of this..." Alex's voice trailed off, "I know I have feelings for you, but everything is so new. My head is a little scrambled right now. I guess I never considered the possibility, until recently, that I might not be straight. I mean, you aren't the first guy I've kissed, but you are the first one that wanted to kiss me back."</p><p>"Alex... Alex... calm down. People are obsessed with putting labels on things. We can just enjoy each other without worrying about what it is," he reassured me.</p><p>"We can?" Alex felt really vulnerable. He wanted whatever this was to keep going. He made eye contact, "I want you to know that it isn't because I'm embarrassed... I'm just not ready to deal with the gossip yet."</p><p>"I get it. I mean, I used to get beat up for being gay. The world isn't very nice to gay people."</p><p>"Is that why Monty beat you up? At that party?"</p><p>"Yeah, but like you said, it's complicated," Winston paused and put his hand over Alex's, "No one has to know what we do in private. It isn't any of their business anyhow. We can just be friends to the outside world."</p><p>Alex didn't know what to say, but he wanted to say yes, "Deal. Friends?" he winked, indicating I was ok with the arrangement.</p><p>"Yeah, friends," Winston said softly, his eyes meeting mine knowingly, the intense look that caused Alex to kiss him the first time. He decided he couldn't resist and went for another kiss which was returned enthusiastically.</p><p>Winston pulled away and laughed, "Ha, I'm going to have trouble getting you to leave my bedroom, aren't I?"</p><p>"Is that a problem?" Alex joked, "I mean I have to make it home today eventually or my parents will start to worry."</p><p>"I mean, it is still early," Winston teased, rolling on top of Alex and leaning in for another kiss. His lips were soft, and despite the slight morning breath, Alex decided kissing Winston was the best way to wake up. They explored each other for a while, caressing each other, and Alex felt for a moment that if it weren't for needing to pee, he would likely lose his whole day to this.</p><p>"Alas, nature calls," Alex sighed, not wanting to stop. Winston freed him by rolling off of him, allowing Alex to go to the bathroom and take care of himself. As he washed his hands, he caught his reflection. Alex felt different, even if he didn't look different. Looking closer, there was a slight difference in his appearance; he seemed less sad than usual.</p><p>Winston was still on the bed when he emerged from the bathroom. </p><p>"Ok, so as much as I want to spend today all day doing whatever it is we've been doing... I probably should head home. I know this will sound lame, but I have a lot of homework. "</p><p>"Fair, I can take you home?" Winston offered.</p><p>"I thought maybe we could stop at Monet's on the way home, grab breakfast and a coffee?" Alex suggested hoping for just a bit more time.</p><p>"I'd like that." Winston nodded.</p><p>We got dressed and headed out to Monet's.</p><p>The sun that woke Alex up was now behind the clouds, and it was cold, even for February, but he felt warm inside. A part of him that had been sleeping was waking up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Any feedback is appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hard to Think</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex struggles to focus on his homework. Winston comes over to watch a movie.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More fluff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>February 16, 2019</p><p> </p><p>After having coffee for three hours, Winston dropped Alex off around lunch. His mom was in the kitchen, fixing some lunch.</p><p>"Hey mom, I'm home..." Alex called as he started up the stairs to his room. He needed to have a shower and change.</p><p>"Alex, come eat some lunch. I made your favourite: Kale Chicken Caesar Salad," she announced proudly.</p><p>"Oh thanks, mom, I'll be down after I have a quick shower and change."</p><p>Alex showered quickly, washing last night's activities from his body, but not his mind. He wanted to linger under the warm heat and daydream, but alas that would take too long. He towelled himself off and changed into some clean clothes. Alex made his way to the kitchen where his mom had two places set. </p><p>"Just us for lunch?"</p><p>"Yeah, your Dad is working. I was about to call you to see when you were going to be home, and you walked in. Have fun with Winston?"</p><p>Alex smiled, looking down at my salad, pushing some of the leaves around, hoping he wasn't looking as giddy as he felt on the inside, "Yeah, we had a good time."</p><p>"I'm glad. It's nice to see you happy. I was starting to worry about you again. Ever since after Thanksgiving, you seemed like you were in a dark place..."</p><p>Alex sighed. His mom didn't know about Bryce, and he and his Dad agreed that it was best she didn't know. Just before Christmas, Alex's suicidal thoughts had surfaced again. He had written a confession letter but was unable to acquire the gun he required to carry out his plan. He still had moments where he thought it might just be easier to not be around anymore, but they passed more quickly now. Despite how difficult things have been, he still wanted to live.</p><p>"I was. But things are getting better. I still have bad days, but I'm having less of them." he shoved more kale into his mouth. Alex hated kale, but couldn't bring himself to tell his mom that. It wouldn't matter anyhow. She would still make him eat it because it "good for him". The caesar salad dressing helped, and the faux-vegan health food bacon tasted good, it just always made Alex crave real bacon.</p><p>"That's good. You've been spending a lot of time with this Winston."</p><p>"Yeah, he is new to Liberty this year. I have Spanish with him, and it turns out we have a lot in common. Speaking of school, I have a bunch of homework to do. So I'm going to get to it." Alex speared the last piece of chicken and devoured it. "Thanks for lunch, mom."</p><p>"Oh, no problem! Healthy body, healthy mind," She said, tousling his hair as she grabbed his plate.</p><p>"Mom... "Alex groaned, making his escape from the kitchen.</p><p>He did have lots of homework. That was the truth. However, it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the butterflies in his stomach. He was used to his emotions, causing bellyaches. However, it turns out feeling guilty all the time is a different kind of sickness than feeling lovesick. Ever since the incident with Bryce, Alex had his stomach pains again. This was different. It was more pleasure than pain. It felt a lot like being high on cocaine or Molly, and yet all he had imbibed was a triple espresso. That might not have been the best idea as now he was all jittery from the caffeine.</p><p>Instead of homework, Alex ended up on his phone, creeping Winston's Instagram. It was mostly beautiful artistic shots. He was a great photographer—slightly edgier style than Tyler, but equally talented.</p><p>As Alex was insta-stalking Winston, a text message popped up.</p><p><b>(1:07 pm) Zach: </b>where did u go last night? u missed the after-party</p><p><b>(1:07 pm) Alex: </b>you know I hate parties</p><p><b>(1:08 pm) Zach:</b> and dances, and yet you willingly attended that last night</p><p><b>(1:08 pm) Alex:</b> fair point</p><p><b>(1:09 pm) Zach:</b> but seriously, where'd u go? u ditched me, and I didn't see u again...</p><p><b>(1:09 pm) Alex:</b> i stayed over at Winston's last night.</p><p><b>(1:09 pm) Zach: you've</b> been spending a lot of time with him. i'm being replaced!</p><p><b>(1:10 pm) Alex:</b> awww, Dempsey, u jealous?</p><p><b>(1:10 pm) Zach:</b> naw, just don't forget me. we r still friends, right?</p><p>Things had been a bit weird since the kiss, even though Zach had been great about it. But mostly Alex hadn't been hanging out Zach because all Zach wanted to do was drink, and he didn't. Not to mention, he flaked on the few hangouts they did plan.</p><p><b>(1:11 pm) Alex:</b> of course, but I'll remind you, u r the one who flaked on the last two times we planned to hang</p><p><b>(1:14 pm) Zach:</b> yeah</p><p><b>(1:14 pm) Alex:</b> i'm worried about you</p><p><b>(1:18 pm) Zach:</b> yeah</p><p><b>(1:18 pm) Alex:</b> just remember you can talk to me about anything</p><p><span>(1:18 pm) Alex: </span>Remember that we are friends that tell each other things</p><p><b>(1:20 pm) Zach:</b> i know</p><p><b>(1:21 pm) Alex:</b> listen, i gotta get some of this homework done, but if u want to hang tonight, come over and play some video games, i'm down</p><p><b>(1:21 pm) Zach:</b> thx, man. i'll let u know later</p><p>Alex had a feeling Zach wouldn't say yes, but he thought he'd offer.</p><p>That was enough of a distraction from Winston's Instagram; he was able to stop looking. Alex turned his phone on silent and threw it onto his bed, out of sight.</p><p>His resolve to get homework done lasted an hour. Alex got his math done, which he hated and decided to check his phone as a reward. There was a message waiting. It was from Winston.</p><p><b>(1:31 pm) Winston:</b> I can't stop thinking about you. &lt;3</p><p><b>(2:23 pm) Alex:</b> i keep thinking about u too. Last night was amazing.</p><p>Alex smiled, thinking<em> Who are you? Gushing over a boy.</em></p><p><b>(2:24 pm) Winston:</b> u done ur homework yet? lol</p><p><b>(2:24 pm) Alex:</b> no, i'm having trouble concentrating actually</p><p><b>(2:24 pm) Winston:</b> Oh, really? i wouldn't have anything to do with that?</p><p><b>(2:25 pm) Alex:</b> maybe ;)</p><p><b>(2:25 pm) Alex:</b> Ok, I'm hiding my phone until I finish this essay.</p><p><b>(2:25 pm) Winston:</b> txt me when u finish. i promise i won't interrupt you anymore</p><p><b>(2:25 pm) Alex: </b>k</p><p>Alex got up and threw his phone into his sock drawer. He was finishing this essay if it was the last thing he did today.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By 6 pm, Alex was almost done writing his essay. At least he figured he was done with it for today and would "fix" it tomorrow when he reread it to ensure it was coherent. It was crap, but that is because he didn't care much about Hamlet. Alex questioned the judgement of his English teachers with the choice of Hamlet, given how depressing it was. He would probably still do ok on it. Alex generally thought his work was shitty and was always surprised when he got his grades back, and they were decent.</p><p>By this point, it was almost dinner time. Alex went to retrieve his phone from the sock drawer. As promised, Winston had not texted Alex again after saying he wouldn't bug him anymore. </p><p>Alex was kind of disappointed, but I also appreciated that Winston was a man of his word.</p><p>There was a text from Zach.</p><p><b>(5:27 pm) Zach:</b> Sorry, I'm not feeling well tonight. Won't be able to hang</p><p>Alex wasn't surprised; He made the plan, half expecting Zach to flake out. He worried about him, but you can't help someone that doesn't want help. All he could do is be there for Zach like he had been for Alex all along.</p><p>Alex decided he would text Winston to let him know he was done his homework.</p><p><b>(6:05 pm) Alex: </b>finally done writing my stupid fucking essay</p><p>Alex paused before typing a second message. Part of him was worried about looking desperate or like he liked him too much. <em> What the hell, you only live once. </em></p><p><b>(6:07 pm) Alex:</b> feel free to distract me ;)</p><p>Perhaps he worried for nothing. Winston seemed equally infatuated if he were going by the speed of the reply alone.</p><p><b>(6:07 pm) Winston:</b> what did you have in mind?</p><p><b>(6:07 pm) Alex:</b> want to come to watch movies at my place?</p><p><b>(6:08 pm) Winston:</b> sure. 7 pm?</p><p><b>(6:08 pm) Alex:</b> cool</p><p><b>(6:08 pm) Winston:</b> cool</p><p>Alex's heart was pounding, and the rush was back. It was too soon for this to be love, but he figured this was definitely in lust or whatever.</p><p>He went downstairs to the kitchen where his mom was chopping veggies for dinner.</p><p>"Done your homework?"</p><p>"Uh yeah. I just have to edit my essay on Hamlet tomorrow, but I can't look at it anymore. I need a break. What's for dinner?"</p><p>"Stir-fried tofu and veggies. It should be ready in about 30 minutes. Your Dad was supposed to be home, but it sounds like he might be working a double shift today."</p><p>"Cool. So I'm going to hang out with Winston again tonight. Is it ok if he comes here to watch movies?"</p><p>"Sure. Remember, I'm working the 11 pm to 7 am tonight, so I'll be home but having my pre-shift nap."</p><p>"We'll be quiet."</p><p>After dinner, Alex headed for his second shower of the day. It took him forever to pick out clothes and to comb his hair just right. <em> What is wrong with you? </em>  He gave his head a shake.</p><p>His phone vibrated on his nightstand. Winston was here.</p><p>Alex went down to let Winston in. Winston always looked good, but it seemed like he put extra effort into his look tonight. He was dressed in shades of grey and black, with a stylish grey and black plaid scarf around his neck. Come to think of it, the only time Alex remembered Winston wearing anything other than grey or black was at that rich kid party. </p><p>"Welcome to my humble abode," Alex said wryly.</p><p>"Thank you" Winston smiled warmly, and locked eyes with Alex. The intensity was almost too much.</p><p>Alex felt his heart rate speed up again. If only Winston knew what he did to him.<em> I wonder if it is the same for him? </em> They moved to the family room and sat down on the couch next to each other. </p><p>Alex impulsively leaned over and gave Winston an aggressive kiss. He needed to release some of the pent up energy.</p><p>"Woah… are you sure we'll even get to watch whatever movie we pick?" Winston teased.</p><p>Alex blushed, "I'm… not sure what has come over me."</p><p>"Yeah... I get it. I feel it too. It feels like being thirsty, but the more you drink, the more you want to drink, and you aren't sure if you'll ever feel normal again."</p><p>"Yeah, like that. I'm... I'm not sure I've ever felt like this before. Or if I did, it was different because the other person didn't feel the same as me."</p><p>"I have once. But I didn't have long with that person." Winston's hazel eyes seemed to darken for a moment, and he continued, "But this is different than it was with him. He could have never kissed me in the middle of a bowling alley or even the hallway. I think he hated the part of himself that was into me. I think if we had had time, I might have been able to help him not hate that part of himself. "</p><p>"Yeah, that is different. I'm more surprised that I'm into guys. I guess it just never occurred to me that I would be until I kissed Zach, who of course, while nice about it, is very much straight. But l felt something that night, and then again when you touched my hand on the tour even though I denied it. How did you know?"</p><p>"Know what? That I was gay or that you might be into me?" he laughed.</p><p>"Both. I mean, I'm curious."</p><p>"I guess I've always known I was gay. I never wanted to be with a woman. I think the first time I realized it I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and I was as in love with Cedric Diggory as all the girls at Hogwarts."</p><p>"Cedric is very handsome." Alex agreed, realizing he had probably thought it before but never thought anything of it.</p><p>"And how I knew you might be into me, I don't know. It seemed like you were flirting with me. Maybe you were just being nice. I guess I hoped it was flirting."</p><p>Our eyes met again, and I could feel the energy build between us, and there was tense silence before Alex broke it, "So what movie do you want to watch?"</p><p>"I don't know. We aren't going to watch it, anyhow, "Winston laughed.</p><p>"How about Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire? I've seen it a million times so if we uh, get distracted we won't miss important plot points."</p><p>"Plus, Cedrick Diggory, right?" Winston joked. </p><p>After pressing play, Alex put his head on Winston's shoulder.</p><p>Winston looked down into Alex's deep blue eyes, raising his eyebrows, "Oh, so we are actually going to try to watch this?"</p><p>"I don't see why not," Alex stated unconvincingly, staring back into the other boy's intense hazel eyes.</p><p>"I do." and Winston leaned over slowly and embraced Alex. Alex's perception time-warped at that moment as they kissed for what seemed like minutes for him. Still, the next time he looked up at the movie, an hour had passed. They would occasionally pause to watch the film and then when sufficiently recovered from the last make-out session.</p><p>Each kiss was like another hit of the most potent drug there was: lust. And while one day this might turn to love, Alex knew that right now it was pure lust and he was here for it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Three is a Crowd</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Winston, Alex and Charlie have a Spanish class together. Alex worries about people noticing him and Winston. Charlie is the third wheel.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is probably the lightest and cheesiest chapter I've written to date. We didn't see them attend classes enough for a show set in High School though.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>February 18, 2019</strong>
</p><p>It was Monday morning, and Alex woke up, feeling a chaotic mix of emotions. After a fantastic whirlwind weekend, he was slightly apprehensive about going to school. Everything was different between him and Winston but needed to look the same. He couldn't even really remember how he acted with Winston before, but his comment from the other night flashed through Alex's mind, "<em> It seemed like you were flirting with me." </em> Had he been? Was he that unaware of himself that he didn't notice? He suddenly felt very self-conscious. He was probably overthinking it. Alex managed to keep the secret about killing Bryce for a long time, although it almost killed him. He was probably overthinking things as usual. If he learned anything from the past year is that typically people were so worried about their own shit that they scarcely paid attention to other people. That, and the more you think about acting a certain way, the less natural it comes across.</p><p>Spanish was first on Monday mornings. When Alex arrived in class, Winston wasn't there yet, but Charlie was. Both Alex and Winston were lucky Charlie was in this class with them. He was always helping them with Spanish as he was much better at it than either of them. Charlie always seemed happy, and today was no different. He beamed at Alex as he walked in, giving off the energy of a golden retriever, whose favourite person had just entered the room.</p><p>"Hey, Alex. How was your weekend?" Charlie smiled warmly at him. </p><p>Alex had been spending more time with Charlie since after Thanksgiving genuinely liked him. Typically, Alex found Charlie too happy first thing in the morning. Still, after this weekend, his mood was lighter than usual, and he was able to appreciate Charlie's energy more. It also struck him this morning that Charlie was looking incredibly handsome this morning, with his plaid shirt peeking out from underneath a well-fitting maroon sweater that seemed to bring out the colour of Charlie's eyes. <em> Had he always been this good looking? </em> Alex shook the thought away before answering, "Oh good, mostly did homework. How was yours?"</p><p>"Same. I barely saw you at the dance." Charlie sounded disappointed when he said this.</p><p>"I..uh…made a brief appearance, I don't really like dancing," replied Alex, trying not to give away too much information. </p><p>"Yeah, it wasn't the best dance- for me." Charlie's eyes darken a bit, as he remembered his Friday night.</p><p>"That bad? What happened?" Alex asked, concerned.</p><p>"Well, as you know, Jess forced me to go with her, but she didn't seem particularly happy to be there with me. It didn't take her long to ditch me for Diego, which ironically is when the dance actually got better because I didn't feel the pressure of having to be her date anymore if that makes sense?"</p><p>"Yeah... I get that. Jess can be...intense. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I feel partially responsible."</p><p>"You do?" Charlie looked surprised.</p><p>"Yeah. I turned Jess down hard when she asked. I mean, if it hadn't been you, it would have been me she ditched. But Diego? Seriously?" Alex rolled his eyes in disgust, "Jess and her thing for dumb asshole jocks."</p><p>"Hey, I take offence to that. What does that make me?" Charlie teased in mock indignation. </p><p>"Well, she wasn't into you, so clearly you are a different kind of jock," Alex explained as if it was a matter of fact.</p><p>"Wasn't she into you?" Now Charlie looked confused like he was trying to figure out Jessica Davis's taste in guys. </p><p>"I don't even know anymore, but if she was, I'm sure it is because I'm kind of an asshole."</p><p>"You aren't!" the younger boy countered quickly, and before Alex could rebut him, he spotted Winston casually stroll into class. He looked just as good as Alex remembered although he didn't have to think back too far since only a day had passed since they last met. </p><p>"Hello gentlemen," Winston greeted them formally, sitting down next to Alex. Charlie simply smiled and nodded at Winston.</p><p>"Hey," Alex returned the curly-haired boy's greeting, eyes lighting up while the rest of his face remained relatively neutral. Even though he knew he shouldn't overthink how to act around Winston anymore, he was overthinking it. When Alex went into his head, he usually stopped talking. An awkward silence followed, only broken by the sound of the bell that indicated class was about to begin. </p><p>Their teacher, Ms Santos, started class promptly after the bell rang. She explained that they would be responsible for putting together a skit in groups of two or three about love in Spanish. This skit would be their final project for the unit they started last week because of Valentine's Day.</p><p>Charlie was quickest to ask, "Hey Alex, wanna go together?"</p><p>Alex looked dumbfounded, his mouth opening slightly, but no sound came out, his eye darting first from Charlie and then to Winston. He wanted to go with Winston, but also didn't want Charlie to know about him and Winston. Why could he keep other secrets so easily but seemed to be unravelling over this one?</p><p>Winston, smiled almost as if he enjoyed watching Alex squirm, lifted his full dark eyebrows, inquisitively, "Why don't we form a group of three?"</p><p>Alex still had no words, and no witty come back. They had worked together before this, but things felt different now, "Uh yeah, sure. Cool. That sounds great." was all he could muster. </p><p>"Yeah, sounds great," Charlie agreed, seeming somewhat disappointed Alex noticed. <em> Weird, I wonder what that is about?  </em>He thought to himself. </p><p>Alex couldn't shake the feeling that things were different now. It was not unlike the time he and Jess went on their first real date, and he naively thought that Hannah would be okay with it. Except now he knew how going from friends to something more could change the dynamics of a friend group, and he didn't want a repeat of the Hannah situation.</p><p>When he zoned back in, Winston and Charlie were arguing about what the skit should be about. </p><p>When Alex heard the words "love triangle" he rolled his eyes and interrupted, "No love triangles, I don't care which one of you suggested it, but I refuse."</p><p>"See, I told you he wouldn't go for it." Charlie seemed pleased that he predicted this.</p><p>"Love triangles are dumb. Someone always loses." Alex sighed, knowing that his one experience in a love triangle had ended with him as the loser. </p><p>"Okay then, well then what do you suggest?" Winston, a tone of mild irritation colouring his voice. </p><p>"Anything but a love triangle. I'm not acting one of those out with you two," his eyes shot daggers at both of them and he crossed his arms stubbornly.</p><p>"Okay, how about our skit is about loving something or loving like a pet like a dog?" Charlie suggested. </p><p>"That is less cliche than a love triangle," Winston noted. </p><p>"Two boys and their dog?" Charlie suggested.</p><p>"Ugh no. How about it is about a kid who wants a dog and his parents won't let him have one until he shows he is responsible or something? And then they give him a dog he loves. The end." Alex sounded both bored and annoyed now, but that was more because he found Spanish class frustrating and hated when the teacher made them do skits.</p><p>"Sounds cool to me, "Winston agreed. </p><p>"Okay, so who are the dads going to be?" Charlie asked, looking at each of them. </p><p>"I think Charlie," Alex said, smiling, "He is the most responsible of the three of us."</p><p>"I am?" Charlie looked confused again. </p><p>Winston laughed, "I don't know you that well yet, but I suspect you are. I can be the less responsible parent, and that leaves the role of the boy to Alex."</p><p>"I am good at looking sad," Alex gave a dramatic pout. Both Winston and Charlie laughed at Alex. </p><p>They worked well for a while, but toward the end, Alex had relaxed a bit and was perhaps not taking the assignment seriously enough. He was on a roll with various sarcastic quips about dogs and Winston was right there, playing off Alex's wisecracks. Their senses of humour were very compatible. Alex almost forgot Charlie was there when he interrupted, voice irritated, "Can we get this finished before class ends?"</p><p>But Alex couldn't resist one last crack, "Okay, Dad." And Winston burst into laughter. </p><p>"You two are the worst," Charlie rolled his eyes and frowned, but it was hard for them to take him seriously. Both Alex and Winston put on their best neutral expressions as they tried to suppress giggles. Alex kind of felt bad as Charlie had done most of the work writing the script.</p><p>"Okay, the script is done. I'll take some pictures of it and send you each a copy." Charlie looked relieved that when they finished, and with the tone and seriousness of a parent finished with, "You both have to promise me you will practice your parts."</p><p>Winston and Alex looked at each other and through a suppressed giggle chorused, "Yes, Dad." </p><p>Charlie gave an exasperated sigh, and Alex responded, "See, I told you that you were the most responsible of the three of us."</p><p>"So when is this even due?" Winston asked. </p><p>"Weren't either of you paying attention?" Charlie's eyes looked like they were about to bug out of his head.</p><p>Alex shrugged and smiled, eyes twinkling as he looked at Winston. He realized at that moment that this is what Winston meant by flirting. The worst thing was, he didn't always know he was doing it. They had playfully bantered for most of the class. He felt terrible for Charlie; he must have felt like a third wheel. Not only that, but he had also done most of the work. He looked back at Charlie, giving him his best cute puppy dog look and with as much sincerity as he could muster, "Sorry, Charlie. We'll make sure we know our parts."</p><p>Charlie's eyes softened at Alex's look. He couldn't stay mad at Alex for long, "Friday. We present Friday. I'm counting on the two of you. Don't let Dad down!" Winston and Alex laughed in response.</p><p>Just as he said this, the bell rang, and the three of them went their separate ways. Three was definitely a crowd.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feel free to leave any reviews. We are halfway to the end.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Whatever it Takes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex and Winston "practise" their lines for their Spanish skit.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span>Monday, February 18, 2019 - Morning</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston received the text message with the Spanish script from Charlie about ten minutes into his next class. A small part of him felt guilty that Charlie had done all the work. But only a small part of him. Winston had gotten through most of his schooling on the backs of people like Charlie. He wasn't actually stupid; he just couldn't be bothered to work hard enough to get higher than his C average. It was much easier to either pay or convince others to do his work for him. And when that didn't work, he resigned himself to doing a half-assed job and getting his C. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>High school was boring. Less boring at Liberty that was for sure. While he had initially come to Liberty to seek the truth about who killed Bryce Walker and to clear the name of his former fling, Montgomery de la Cruz, he was slowly developing more reasons to be here. He knew Monty was messed up from their first encounter. He knew it, and yet he chose to hook up with Monty again expecting him to just leave when they finished. But Monty didn't. He showed Winston a softer side and gave him hope they could have something more. And they did have something more for a brief time. Then Monty was arrested and shortly after killed. The news that Monty had killed Bryce was the most shocking. Because he knew it wasn't true because he had been with Monty that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But life wasn't black and white, and the more Winston learned about who Monty was and the things he did to his new friends, the less motivated he felt to pursue the truth. While Winston definitely had ulterior motives when he first befriended Tyler and Alex, he considered them friends now. Better friends than he'd ever had at Hillcrest. And while they were also friends with Ani and Clay, Winston didn't have any reason to believe that either of them was connected to Bryce Walker's murder. Or maybe he didn't want to think that they had anything to do with it. Despite Tyler being super earnest and willing to answer anything, Winston asked him, questioning Tyler had yielded very little information. Alex tended to avoid the topic of his friends when Winston brought it up but not in a way that made him seem guilty or like he was hiding something. It was more like speaking about his friends pained Alex, and the last thing Winston wanted was to cause Alex pain. Because of this, he had decided, after the night of the dance, after the last time he'd asked Alex about Clay, he'd stop trying to get information out of Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A larger part of him was still buzzing from the high of flirting with Alex. He hadn't meant to flirt. He was pretty sure Alex had been trying his best not to flirt, but they were both ultimately unsuccessful. That said, it wasn't so blatant that he thought others noticed. Alex was a master of controlled expression; the only person that might have caught on was his friend Charlie. Winston didn't know if Alex saw the way Charlie looked at him, but he sensed that Charlie liked Alex as more than a friend. He wasn't too concerned about Charlie, though. Alex was more than a little distracted by him at the moment, and the feeling was mutual. His math teacher was droning on about polynomials, something Winston knew he wasn't going to use past high school. He decided he'd text Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:03 am) Winston:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> hi </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:04 am) Alex:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> hey</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:04 am) Winston:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> so i was thinking, we should practice a bit before we have Spanish again, i don't want to disappoint dad again</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:05 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: lol yeah i feel kind of bad that Charlie wrote that whole script while we joked around. It is the least we could do...practice that is</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:05 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: meet me in the yearbook room after school</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:06 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex: </span>
  </strong>
  <span>cool… also do you think Charlie...knows?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:06 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: nah...I wouldn't worry about it. We've been asshats together in Spanish before, I'm guessing that is why Charlie tried to get you to be his partner without me. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:07 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: yeah, I guess</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winston could tell Alex wasn't convinced but figured it couldn't hurt to try to reassure him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:09 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: cool i'll see you after school and Alex...he doesn't know</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After school, Winston was in the darkroom developing pictures from the dance when he received a text from Alex. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(3:45 pm)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex: </span>
  </strong>
  <span>i'm here. Is it ok to come in?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(3:45 pm)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston</span>
  </strong>
  <span>: yeah, come on in</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Alex carefully entered the red-tinged room, Winston couldn't help but grin and chuckled, "Are you scared?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've been yelled at by Tyler numerous times for entering at the wrong time...so yes?" Alex laughed and ran his fingers through his light brown hair, looking down at his feet sheepishly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, it is fine," Winston said, walking towards Alex. During the tedium of the school day he'd imagined this exact moment all day. He leaned in to kiss Alex and Alex tentatively returned his kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's wrong?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I… what if someone walks in?" Alex whispered, the fear in his eyes mirroring the concern in his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The light is on. Tyler's working today. It's one of the safest places in the school," Winston tried to make his voice as soothing as he could. He grabbed Alex's hand and stared longingly into Alex's eyes, "unless you don't want to…" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Winston finished speaking, Alex returned his kiss more confidently, more eagerly than before. They continued to make out for a while before Alex broke away and said, "I do want to," and then he smiled softly, melting Winston's heart, "but we should probably study our lines. My TBI makes it harder for me to memorize stuff so the more we go over them, the better. Plus, we don't want to disappoint Dad…" Alex smirked, and Winston realized that he'd probably do anything that Alex asked even if it was to practice lines to stupid skit for a Spanish class that he didn't care about getting a good mark in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe we can reward ourselves later if we behave…" Winston concurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex's eyes glanced around the darkroom, and he noted, "Um, I feel like this will be the least productive place for us to practice."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are probably right," Winston agreed reluctantly, "We could go to my place?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex seemed to be weighing this in his mind, and sometimes he was frustratingly hard to read. After a pause, he said, "Uh yeah, that should work. My parents want me home for dinner though, so if you could drop me off around six that would be great."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure, whatever." Winston agreed. Inside, he secretly hoped they'd be hopelessly distracted.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winston's house was not empty, like the first time Alex had been here. Both of his parents appeared to home although you wouldn't know it if it weren't for the cars in the driveway. Winston led him straight upstairs to the couches they listened to music on the last time they were here. The lack of acknowledgement of Winston's return from school was in stark contrast to the warmth of the greetings Alex received from his family when he came home. Again he was struck with the feeling that Winston led a very lonely life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside, Alex struggled with agreeing to come here. On the one hand, he didn't want to let Charlie down. He genuinely wanted to learn his lines and do well on the project. On the other hand, he knew they'd get even less done here compared to the darkroom if that was possible. In the end, he decided it was ok if today was a wash because they had until Friday. Alex set his alarm on his phone for 5:45 pm in case they got distracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat on the couch and started to go through the lines. The script was surprisingly funny. While Winston and Alex hadn't directly contributed, Charlie obviously had been paying attention to their banter as many of the more classroom appropriate jokes they busted their guts on during class made it into the script. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm impressed, I really didn't think he was listening to us," Alex remarked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, this script is pretty funny," Winston nodded, agreeing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They managed to get through reading the script twice before they could no longer ignore their physical attraction. Alex was about to try reading through the script again when Winston grabbed his phone from his hand, gently placed it on the coffee table, and before Alex could protest, proceeded to kiss him. Alex felt time shift again, and before either of them can do more than simply frustrate each other more, Alex's alarm goes off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, is time up?" Winston asked, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I suspected we'd lose track of time, and I wasn't wrong," Alex said, giving Winston a half-smile, "Can you take me home?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course," he agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Supper wasn't quite ready yet when he arrived home, so he made a b-line to the shower where he addressed his sexual frustration by finishing himself off in the shower. Spanish class felt like forever ago, and Alex felt exhausted but content. He suspected he might actually sleep better tonight given how he felt. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Tuesday, February 19, 2020 Morning</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie was early for class, as usual, which gave him time to think. Today, he was worried about the Spanish skit. Yesterday, Winston and Alex hadn't exactly taken the task of creating it seriously. However, he was able to capture some of their banter as part of the script and happened to think he did a pretty good job. If he was honest with himself, what they had been saying was funny, even if he was annoyed that he did all the work. Charlie only wished that it was him that Alex was exchanging playful banter with and not Winston. If Alex wasn't straight, he might have thought he was flirting with Winston. Some part of him hoped Alex wasn't straight even though he currently had no reason to believe otherwise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thoughts were interrupted by Alex's arrival, who smiled at Charlie before sitting down. "Hey."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So I wanted to apologize for yesterday," Alex started, looking a bit sheepish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What for?" Charlie was curious as to what Alex thought he did wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For being an asshat with Winston yesterday. I know it is really important for you to do well," Alex continued, sincerely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie smiled. He wanted to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah that was super irritating </span>
  </em>
  <span>but instead a reflexive, "No worries!" came out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well we got together and practised a little, and I'm going to practise a lot before Friday so don't worry about the skit being bad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie felt a little hurt that he hadn't been invited to practise, but he supposed he was left out because they felt terrible for contributing so little in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You practised?" Charlie inquired, surprised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, we actually did. I'm impressed you were able to incorporate some of our jokes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie could feel the heat of a blush colour his cheeks, "Thank you. I'm kind of proud of them."  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled, "I just wanted you to know, you don't have to worry. I'll make sure Winston knows his part. Whatever it takes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, that means a lot." Charlie's face lit up with gratefulness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston arrived shortly after, and they were much more focused in class compared to the previous day. Charlie felt relieved even though it was apparent that Winston and Alex needed a lot more practise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As class ended, Charlie suggested, "Maybe we get together Thursday evening to practice together as a group? You two can continue to practise without me until then, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Winston looked at each other, and Alex agreed, quietly, his facial expression very controlled, "Sure." It was hard to get a read on Alex sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie noticed that Winston seemed to be looking longingly at Alex as he also agreed. But it was impossible to tell at that moment whether Alex returned those feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>_________________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt more confident about his ability to continue whatever it was he was doing with Winston today. He managed to get through all of his Spanish class without flirting with Winston. Confidence, though, for Alex, was always a fleeting sensation. He wasn't a confident person. He felt happy he was able to make amends with Charlie and hoped he'd be able to deliver on his promise to get Winston to learn his part. His insecurity returned as it was a bold promise and something he knew didn't directly have control over. His mind was not on whatever his English teacher was droning on about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He messaged Winston a single word. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:13 am) Alex:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> practice?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston responded almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:13 am) Winston: </span>
  </strong>
  <span>sure</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, Alex would see how successful he was at getting Winston to learn his lines. Whatever it took. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I struggled a bit with this one, especially writing from Winston's POV at the beginning. Hopefully, you liked it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Practice?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Winston and Alex try to practice their lines for their Spanish skit. Charlie gets annoyed.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Tuesday, February 19, 2019 to Thursday, February 21, 2019</b>
</p><p>The problem with practice was you actually had to do it for it to work. And the word practice started to mean something different to Winston and Alex. Alex had the best intentions. But the best intentions didn't always survive contact with Winston. Not that it was all Winston's fault. Alex was a willing participant. </p><p>The first attempt at practice happened Tuesday at lunch. Winston suggested they go off-site for lunch. After reading through their lines exactly once, they practised different ways to turn each other on, something they didn't exactly need to practice. It was probably not the best idea in retrospect, because afterwards, Alex had trouble focusing in his afternoon classes. Well, more problems than usual and for different reasons than usual. </p><p>The second attempt at practice happened after school that Tuesday. This time Alex suggested they go to Monet's to work because it was public and they were less likely to be tempted to distract each other in other ways. Unfortunately, due to their lunchtime practice session, the only thing on their minds was what they didn't get to do at lunch. After reading through the script exactly twice and drinking their coffees, they headed to Winston's house. They finished what they started at lunch still getting Alex home in time for dinner. </p><p>On Wednesday in Spanish class, Charlie, aka the responsible Dad, gave them both the, "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed" speech and seemed sincere. Their skit wasn't horrible, but only Charlie had his lines memorized, and they would lose marks if Alex and Winston couldn't recite their lines without reading them. Unfortunately, Charlie wasn't available to help them until tomorrow night. </p><p>A text arrived on Alex's phone. </p><p><b>(10:05 am)</b> <b>Winston</b>: practice? </p><p><b>(10:06 am)</b> <b>Alex: </b>lol i think we need a fucking chaperone or we'll only get that other kind of practice done</p><p><b>(10:07 am)</b> <b>Winston</b>: and that is a problem why?</p><p><b>(10:07 am)</b> <b>Alex: </b> i do prefer the other kind of practice, but i want to do well on this</p><p><b>(10:08 am)</b> <b>Winston</b>: i think Tyler was going to be in the yearbook room after school, we could ask him to hang with us. that worked pretty well before if I remember correctly</p><p><b>(10:08 am)</b> <b>Alex: </b>i'll text Tyler</p><p><b>(10:09 am)</b> <b>Winston</b>: cool</p><p>Alex texted Tyler, and he agreed to hang out with them and help them practice. They hadn't hung out in a while as Tyler had been really busy between work and whatever else he was doing lately.</p>
<hr/><p>Tyler was already in the yearbook room when Alex arrived. </p><p>"Hey Ty," Alex greeted him, "So uh thanks for doing this."</p><p>"Oh no problem," Tyler said earnestly. </p><p>"It's just hard to practice with... you know only two out of three of our group," Alex tried to explain without giving the real reason for needing him there.</p><p>"You don't have to explain. You know I'll always be here for you, right, Alex?"</p><p>"I know." Alex gave him a slight smile. </p><p>"So Spanish, eh?"</p><p>"And both of us suck at it..." Alex admitted. </p><p>"And you are asking me?" Tyler chuckles, "I'm not even in Spanish."</p><p>"You just have to read Charlie's lines, even badly works," Alex tried to reassure him. </p><p>"Ok," Tyler still sounded unsure. </p><p>Winston arrived fashionably late. </p><p>"So shall we... practice?" Winston raised his eyebrows and looked at Alex with a sly smile. </p><p>"Uh yeah..." Alex looked away from Winston, sheepishly, <em> Why did he have to look at me like that, here? </em> He was trying to stay composed, and Winston was <em> not </em>helping, "Let's begin."</p><p>Tyler did his best to read out Charlie's lines, and they made more progress than any of their previous attempts without a chaperone. But about halfway through their second read through the script. Tyler received a phone call.</p><p>"What is it?" Alex asked, concerned.</p><p>"Oh, nothing. But I need to go... my uh... parents need me to come home," Tyler responded nervously.</p><p>"Ok, well, thanks for helping," Winston replied gratefully. </p><p>"No problem. We should hang out again soon, "Tyler said as he left the room. </p>
<hr/><p>It was Deputy Standall on the phone. He needed help with something again. Tyler was starting to regret agreeing to help, but he didn't have a choice. </p><p>About halfway to the place where Deputy Standall was waiting in the ghost car, he remembered he noticed he forgot his phone in the yearbook room. </p><p>He walked back to the yearbook room and peered through the window to see his phone sitting on the table. As he looked up, from the table, Winston and Alex were still there, and they appeared to be holding hands. Alex's back was to him, but he could see Winston's expression as he leaned in to give Alex a gentle kiss on the lips. </p><p>Tyler now understood why they had needed him tonight and thinking back it explained a lot about some of their gatherings as friends from the past few weeks. He always sensed that Winston really liked Alex. He hadn't been sure if Alex returned those feelings until today. It was clear to him they weren't ready to be public about whatever it was they had, so Tyler made a loud noise at the door and paused before entering. </p><p>When Tyler entered, they had already broken apart, and he said, "I uh... forgot my phone," as he shuffled into the room quickly, grabbed it and sped walked out the room.</p>
<hr/><p>Alex's heart was pounding in his chest. Tyler had almost seen them. Or had he seen them? He wasn't worried though, because of the people that could have caught them, Tyler was the least likely to say anything to anyone. They were getting sloppy. </p><p>"That was close," Winston's eyes were wide with surprise.</p><p>"Yeah, but of all people, Tyler is the least likely to say anything. Having Tyler here helped, I feel like we are making progress," Alex noted, voice and expression much calmer than he felt on the inside.</p><p>"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying to distract you," Winston smirked mischievously.</p><p>"I haven't exactly been protesting, but I do think we should embrace our current motivation," Alex insisted. </p><p>"I'd rather embrace you," Winston teased. </p><p>"That's the problem or rather our problem," Alex said matter of factly, "How about we give our Spanish skit our undivided attention for the next hour, and you can pick what we do on our date on Friday?"</p><p>"We are going on a date on Friday?" Winston asked excitedly.</p><p>"Only if you focus for the next hour. I'll find someone else to hang out with if you continue to distract us." </p><p>"But Alex…" Winston fake pleaded, and Alex rolled his eyes in response, "Ok, I'm in. Let's take it from the top. I'll read Charlie's lines. We aren't leaving until we both have our lines mostly memorized." </p><p>And so they practised. It only took another hour of repetition before both boys had their lines down.</p><p>"Well, I do believe I get to pick what we do Friday night," Winston smiled smugly. </p><p>"You do. I'm curious as to what rich kids like you do for fun," Alex teased. </p><p>"Aside from too much alcohol and too many drugs?" Winston joked.</p><p>"Yeah aside from that."</p><p>"I guess you'll see on Friday." Winston smiled and Alex was slightly nervous as to what he had just agreed to.</p>
<hr/><p>On Thursday, they weren't given any time to practice their skits in Spanish class, so the boys resigned themselves to meeting right after school as they had planned to earlier in the week. </p><p>Charlie was worried after Wednesday. He had given the "I'm not mad, just disappointed" speech, but he was sort of irritated. For two people that said they were practising, neither of them knew their lines very well. They all met in the yearbook room and got right down to work as soon as everyone had arrived. </p><p>Charlie felt relieved after they did the first run through. Both Alex and Winston were vastly improved from the day before. Both of them still needed prompting on a few lines, but it was night and day from what he had seen yesterday. </p><p>"That was so much better," Charlie observed.</p><p>"Thanks, we got Tyler to help us... focus." Winston chuckled.</p><p>Alex laughed too, and it seemed the two shared an inside joke.</p><p>"Again," Charlie directed, "Let's see if we can get through without any prompts."</p><p>They came close on the second run-through, both boys needing a single line prompted. After a third run-through, they nailed it. Charlie gave everyone high fives after they said their last lines. </p><p>"That was great everyone," Charlie beamed as if his team had just finished playing a great game, "What to go for a coffee to celebrate?"</p><p>Alex and Winston looked at each other before responding, and both said, "Sure."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel like I'm channelling the spirit of Degrassi in this particular arc of this series. Feel free to leave any feedback!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Date Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex is nervous because he has no idea what Winston has planned for the promised date night.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>February 22, 2019</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Alex awoke early on Friday morning. He had slept well the past week, floating on through life on a cloud, primarily due to the time he was spending with Winston. It was a welcome distraction to how Alex usually felt. Today he felt oddly anxious, a feeling that hadn't touched him since last Friday. Sometimes he felt nervous for no reason. Running through the potential causes in his head, the skit was potentially the reason. He really didn't want to let Charlie down. However, he was feeling pretty confident after their last practice, which for him was unusual. Public speaking wasn't his thing, and he was worried that he would clam up under pressures. But that wasn't all of it. </p><p>Coffee with Charlie and Winston was awkward yesterday. Without the buffer of Spanish class, there was a weird tension between Winston and Charlie. To Alex, it almost seemed like they were competing for his attention. Charlie seemed irritated by Winston and vice versa. Alex wasn't sure why the boys appeared to mutually dislike each other. Still, he was happy the celebratory coffee was a quick one. </p><p>The only other thing Alex could think of is he was worried about his date with Winston. Why had he offered that up? While they had a lot in common, Alex was a bit concerned about what Winston's idea of a good time was. He felt himself start to spiral into anxious thoughts but caught himself before diving too deep and talked himself through them, <em> Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, Exhale 1,2, 3,4.  </em>Alex continued to breathe deeply until he felt more grounded. He decided a shower was in order, and he let the hot water wash the rest of the morning's almost panic attack away from him. </p><p>He made his way downstairs where his mom had made smoothies for breakfast. Alex saw a very bright green drink in two glasses. </p><p>"Morning, mom." </p><p>"Hey, honey. I made my famous green power smoothie. It's got avocado, kale, banana, oatmeal and Greek yogurt. A great way to start your day."</p><p>"If you say so, "Alex eyed the smoothie suspiciously, taking a tentative sip. It mostly tasted like banana which he didn't mind. But the texture, especially from the kale and the oatmeal left something to be desired. He was able to choke it down and finish most of it. </p><p>"What did you think?" his mom excitedly sought his opinion. </p><p>"It was ok. I think I prefer your berry smoothies and the ones without kale." Alex said as tactfully as he could.</p><p>"But the kale is the healthiest thing for you…" She argued back. </p><p>"That doesn't mean it tastes good." Alex rebutted, "So mom, I was wondering if I could stay over at Winston's again tonight?"</p><p>"Sure, honey. Not a problem. Are you two hanging out again tonight?"</p><p>"Yeah, we are."</p><p>"Will we get to meet this mysterious Winston someday? You spend a lot of time with him for him to remain a mystery to us?"</p><p>"Sure... one day." Alex evaded the question.</p><p>"Alex…" His mom pleaded.</p><p>"Mom…" Alex rolled his eyes, "I have to go. I love you."</p><p>"I love you too, Alex. Have a good day."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Spanish was first. They nailed their performance, and their Ms Ramos even commended the departure from romantic love to the love that people can have for their children and pets. Charlie beamed in pride, and Alex felt happy that he didn't let his friend down. The rest of the day seemed to drag. His anxiety surrounding his date had turned mostly to excitement even though Winston had been very tight-lipped about what they were going to do. </p><p>The only hint he received was a series of cryptic texts toward the end of the day. </p><p><strong> (3:05 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: for tonight, dress semi-formal</p><p><strong> (3:06 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>wtf is semi-formal? where are you taking me?</p><p><strong> (3:06 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: you know, either khakis or dress pants and a dress shirt, jacket if you have one. tie optional. no flannel shirts allowed </p><p><strong> (3:07 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>but i like flannel. it is comfortable. where are you taking me that flannel isn't appropriate?</p><p><strong> (3:07 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: patience young grasshopper</p><p><strong> (3:08 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>fuck you, winston</p><p><strong> (3:08 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: sure, if you want to 😉 pick you up at 5:00 pm, we are going for dinner first.</p><p><strong> (3:09 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>u r so infuriating</p><p><strong> (3:10 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: 😉</p><p>It was the first time he went home right after school this week. Every other day, he had spent a few hours with Winston right after school. <em> Had it only be a week?  </em>Alex wondered to himself. It seemed like it had been much longer. Other than Charlie and Tyler, he had scarcely heard from his other friends. Jess, was presumably too busy texting Diego. Alex would get very delayed single word replies from her. Zach, he had talked to a few time in school, but not at all outside of school. His threat of doing something with someone other than Winston was empty, he realized. Alex decided another shower was in order. Who knew what might happen after the date? Alex was a bit nervous about that part the after-date part too. </p><p>After getting clean for a second time that day, he started to go through his closest in search of the elusive "semi-formal" attire he required for this outing. Looking through his closet, he noticed some dress shirts with exciting patterns that seemed to have been shoved to the back in favour of his current flannel shirt phase. Alex wasn't feeling some of the louder designs but found a nice black shirt with a purple paisley pattern. He dug out some black pants and a dark grey suit jacket. By the time Alex styled his hair, it was almost 5 pm. He packed a small bag with pyjamas and toothbrush as he was staying over at Winston's. Alex waited in his room for the text message from Winston announcing his arrival. He didn't want to get a million questions from his mom about why he was dressed so nice.</p><p>Winston arrived ever so slightly late. Alex exited his house as quickly as he could, calling back to his mother, "Bye mom, I'll see you tomorrow!"</p><p>"Bye, Alex!" She called back, watching him run out to the car. He managed to escape without his mother interrogating him. </p><p>As Alex got into the car, he noticed that Winston was also dressed in black and greys as usual. Someone looking at them might have thought that they coordinated outfits. He was only dressed slightly more formally than usual, wearing a black jacket, with a dark grey pinstriped shirt and dark grey pants. </p><p>"So where <em> are </em> we going?" Alex pressed as he put his seatbelt on.</p><p>"You aren't even going to say hi?" Winston smirked, teasing Alex provoking a dramatic eye roll. </p><p>"We are going for dinner first, in Oakland," Winston smiled.</p><p>"And..."Alex continued to try and get more information out of Winston. </p><p>"And part two is a surprise. You'll find out when we get there after dinner."</p><p>"You are the worst," Alex pouted, his blue eyes glaring at Winston, which just caused Winston to start laughing.</p><p>"I'm pretty confident you will enjoy what I picked for us to do."</p><p>"You are confident? I find confidence unnerving."</p><p>"Well, I'm not telling you." </p><p>"Can you at least tell me where we are eating?" Alex said, frustrated.</p><p>"You can wait." Winston's response, which incited another eye roll and a sigh from the passenger side.</p><p>Oakland was only a 30-minute by car from Evergreen but not knowing where they were headed, made the drive seem to take forever. After what seemed like an eternity to Alex, they pulled up to a pizza place that definitely did not require the level of attire they were currently wearing. </p><p>"You had me dress up to go to... a pizza place?"</p><p>"They have the best pizza in Oakland," Winston explained. </p><p>"Ah, right because the pizza will care how we are dressed," Alex remarked sardonically.</p><p>Winston smirked as if he liked watching Alex squirm, "The semi-formal wear is for where we are headed after this. Shall we?"</p><p>Even though it was still relatively early, the pizza shop was already busy, so they had to wait a bit for a table. The menu was pretty simple. Alex quickly mentally eliminated any of the pizza's with spinach on them as he ate enough spinach at home. He mentally noted that if Winston wanted any of the pizzas with spinach on them, he might have to end it. </p><p>"So how do you feel about spinach?" Alex asked, baiting Winston. </p><p>"It wouldn't be my first choice," he replied, looking up from the menu. "Why?"</p><p>"That is the correct answer. Now, what would be your first choice?"</p><p>"Pepperoni of course," Winston said without hesitation. </p><p>"Correct answer again," Alex smiled, and sighed, "That was close. I don't know if I could date someone who loves spinach on their pizza."</p><p>They ordered a pepperoni pizza to share and some drinks. The pizza was delicious and among some of the best Alex had ever had. He was still a bit nervous about what was to come, but so far, Winston had done well. They chatted for a while and split a slice of cheese cake which was also really good. </p><p>"How am I doing so far?" Winston asked eagerly.</p><p>"Pretty good, I mean I kind of hate that I still don't know what we are doing next, but dinner was excellent. I was a little worried we'd end up somewhere with multiple forks and I'd show my lower-class upbringing by using the wrong one."</p><p>"I could have shown you. But I thought pizza was more your jam."</p><p>"I do love pizza."</p><p>"You ready for phase two?"</p><p>"Am I ready?" Alex scoffed, "I've been ready for hours now." </p><p>"Let's go then." Winston laughed, and they headed back to Winston's car.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>As they walked up to the building, Winston asked, "Have you ever been here?"</p><p>"I'm not sure, maybe?"Alex replied puzzled, "So where are we?"</p><p>"My parents are donors for the Oakland Symphony. We have seasons tickets, and we rarely go. When I was planning this date, I remembered that you were in the jazz band and that you said were playing the guitar again."</p><p>Alex didn't know what to say, it was an expected surprise. But the semi-formal wear made sense now.</p><p>"If you hate the idea, we don't have to go." Winston started to sputter nervously.</p><p>"No, no, I love it. This was really thoughtful of you. I forgot I even told you about jazz band." </p><p>"I remembered you liked music. This concert should be enjoyable. It is part of a series where a notable person curates a song list of songs that are meaningful to them. Tonight, it is Dolores Huerta's playlist."</p><p>"I don't know who that is."</p><p>"Neither did I. I guess she is a community activist and feminist." Winston explained, "The setlist has everything from Imagine by Jon Lennon, to classics like Firebird and Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue." </p><p>They made their way inside where many people were milling about waiting for the concert hall to open. Some people were dressed in formal wear, and most people were dressed semi-formally like him and Winston. Alex was grateful for his semi-formal wear as anyone wearing casual wear really stood out. </p><p>"Do you want a drink?" Winston asked.</p><p>"Sure, uh, "Alex looked at what was available, "Get me a cappuccino."</p><p>"Coffee? I guess you aren't planning on sleeping tonight?" Winston winked.</p><p>"Is that a problem?" Alex replied, feeling bolder now that the secret date location was revealed. Winston just laughed as he walked to the kiosk to buy them drinks. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After about 30 minutes, the ushers opened the auditorium. Winston was pleased with how the date he planned was going so far. While he outwardly projected an air of confidence, deep down he was nervous as to whether Alex was going to like what he planned. He really liked Alex, possibly more than anyone before. While Winston had hooked up with a decent number of guys, it was always only about sex. Hillhurst had a decent number of guys that enjoyed a casual sexual encounter with another guy but didn't identify as gay. They'd always leave right after which is why Winston expected Monty to take off as soon as they'd finish. But Monty didn't so Winston thought he might be different. </p><p>Alex <em> was  </em>different. While whatever he had going on with Alex physically was great, it felt more like dating. Alex liked to cuddle and kiss in ways that Winston's random hook-ups never had. Not to mention, he generally enjoyed Alex's company. Alex didn't put on airs, and that was refreshing after Hillhurst where being fake was the norm. </p><p>They made their way to their seats. Winston's parents paid for the highest tier of tickets, so their seats were a private front balcony that they didn't share with anyone. </p><p>"Wow, your parents must be really rich," Alex drawled, impressed.</p><p>"Yeah I guess, I'm glad we can use these tonight. We pay for these amazing seats but never use them. Mind you, my parents do it more for the tax break for donating money." </p><p>"So confirmed, you are really rich," Alex teased.</p><p>"Guilty as charged. Should I be worried that you are only with me because of my money?"</p><p>"No, I'm just joking. I don't really give a shit if you are rich. As long as you don't act like the other rich kids I've hung out with."</p><p>"I'll try. Ooh, it looks like it starting," Winston noted and reached over to squeeze Alex's leg, letting it linger there for a moment. Alex moved his hand over to interlock his hand with Winston. The thrill of that had not worn off in the short week they'd seen each other and somehow was more intense tonight. The music was beautiful, but Winston kept getting distracted by how lovely Alex was. How his deep blue eyes, pensively considered each note. Alex's subtle smile and the way he was very slightly moving his head to the beat of the music entranced Winston. It didn't seem to matter what genre of music either, Alex just seemed to appreciate all the music. </p><p>Winston hoped Alex wouldn't remember that he'd never told him about the jazz band. Winston had discovered this when he was looking through the yearbooks Tyler lent him when he was still very intent on finding the truth. Finding that truth seemed to matter less these days, especially given the feelings he was developing for Alex. This night felt dream-like, and Winston didn't want to wake up.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Alex was entranced by the music. The two numbers were jazz numbers that he wasn't familiar with but appreciated. Alex had been playing the guitar since the age of 12 and staring the bass guitar at 15. At his last school, he joined the jazz band in his freshman year, and it was something he thoroughly enjoyed. Alex loved how you could lose yourself in the music. He liked to focus on an instrument and try to pick out the musical phrases produced by that instrument. Alex was enjoying the warmth of holding the dark-haired boy's hand, occasionally feeling Winston's fingers gently stroking his hand. He didn't even notice that Winston seemed to have his eyes mostly on him. It was one of the best dates he had been on. Three hours of music passed very quickly, and Alex was sad to hear the last few notes of the final song, even though it was a corny sing-a-long to "This Little Light of Mine."</p><p>As it ended, the spell cast by the music slowly dissipated and Alex noticed Winston's hazel eyes on him. <em> Has he been staring at me the whole time?  </em>Alex wondered feeling the warmth often comes to ones' cheeks when they notice someone is looking at them. He sheepishly looked away as one does when they feel seen. </p><p>Winston, noticing Alex's reaction to his gaze, squeeze his hand before asking, "So, how did I do?"</p><p>Alex was at a loss for words. He smiled softly, looking back into the other boy's captivating, pleading hazel eyes, "I really enjoyed this, thank you."</p><p>"Good. I'm glad," Winston smiled back warmly. </p><p>Alex remained seated as the crowd of people left the auditorium and just watched as people left. He was scared that if he got up, the reverie that was this evening would come to an end. Hands down, this was one of the best dates he'd been on. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, so I originally planned for this to be one chapter, but I was approaching close to 4000 words with no end in sight so I decided to split it into two chapters. This may or may not result in more chapters, but the end is nearing. </p><p>I did a bit of research for this chapter. The concert they attended actually happened on February 22, 2019. The program is here: https://www.oaklandsymphony.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Concert-Program-February-22-2019-2.pdf<br/>And you can listen to one of the pieces here: https://www.oaklandsymphony.org/repast/</p><p>The pizza place they visited: http://oaklandstylepizza.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. French 75s</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Winston and Alex enjoy some drinks and other things after their date.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings:<br/>This chapter contains mention of spousal abuse, underage drinking and is fairly smutty.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They eventually made their way back to Winston's house. It was now close to midnight, and the temperature had dropped significantly. Aside from the outdoor lighting, the mansion was as dark as it had been only a week prior. Alex grabbed his bag and followed Winston into the dark house. </p><p>Winston led them to a room that Alex hadn't seen. Not that it was surprising. Winston hadn't exactly given him the tour last time as they had been more focused on <em>other things</em> last time. The room seemed to be a living room of sorts, with a gas fireplace and a bar that appeared to be well-stocked. Winston turned on the fireplace to remove the slight chill in the air.</p><p>"Drink?" Winston asked, holding up a metal shaker, "I'm making myself a French 75. I can make you one too."</p><p>"I have no idea what that is. My experience with alcohol has been limited to gross keg beer and alley malt-liquor chugging contests. I'm not even sure I like alcohol," Alex stated and then smirked as if just realizing, "Hey... are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?"</p><p>"The way you've been looking at me all night, I'd wager I don't need alcohol to do that and that you'll be all too willing," Winston teased, suggestively.</p><p>"Are you calling me easy?" Alex said in mock indignation.</p><p>Winston chuckled, "No, you are definitely not that. So you still haven't answered my question. Do you want to try one? Expand your alcohol experience beyond getting shit faced at bad keg parties?"</p><p>Alex grinned, "Sure, make me one of your fancy drinks, rich boy."</p>
<hr/><p>French 75's were his mother's favourite drink. Winston had learned how to make them to cheer his mother up after fights with his father. His father was verbally abusive towards his mother, more so when he would drink too much. Thankfully for Winston, of late, his father wasn't around much. He would take being lonely over being around his parents when they were like that. </p><p>Despite the negative connotation of the drink, he did enjoy them. His parents had always been relatively permissive when it came to alcohol, believing that giving Winston access would increase the chances he'd drink responsibly. It had mostly worked. He typically didn't binge drink like many of his peers. He'd have to warn Alex that they were strong though as they tended to go down easy, which is probably why his mom liked them. </p><p>Winston mixed the simple syrup, lemon juice and gin with some ice in a shaker and shook until condensation formed on the outside of the shaker. He split the mixture between two gold-rimmed coupe glasses. Next, Winston carefully popped the cork of the champagne bottle and topped each drink with some champagne. </p><p>"Here you go, but be careful, they go down easy, and they are strong," Winston warned, passing Alex a gold-rimmed coupe glass filled with a pale almost opaque straw coloured liquid. </p><p>"So you are trying to get me drunk?" Alex's eyebrows raised as he took his first sip, "Not bad. This tastes like lemonade. I can barely taste the alcohol."</p><p>"That is why they are dangerous, my friend."</p>
<hr/><p>One French 75 in and Alex was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol. The drink was as strong as Winston warned. It wasn't unpleasant though, the warmth of the alcohol spreading through his body, relaxing it. It was doubly intoxicating when combined with the heady feeling that came with spending time with someone you liked. And he did like Winston, a feeling that seemed to grow with each day. A week ago, he would have said it was mostly physical, the intensity of those feelings clouding everything. The physical sensations were still there, but as they became more familiar, Alex could feel that he enjoyed Winston's company beyond the physical. </p><p>"Fuck, your fancy drink is strong," Alex managed to get out. One drink and his customary eloquence seemed to be affected. </p><p>Winston chuckled, "You want another?"</p><p>"Sure, why not? Alex answered before his brain could consider the possibility that another might put him from slightly tipsy to drunk. </p><p>Winston mixed two more drinks and sat down next to Alex on the couch. </p><p>Alex took a sip of his new drink and noted, "Is it possible this tastes even better?"</p><p>"Yes. Definitely possible," Winston said, smiling back at Alex. He put his free hand on Alex's thigh, stroking it gently. A shiver of pleasure ran through Alex's body at this slight touch. He sighed in response.</p><p>"Do you like that?" Winston spoke seductively, moving his fingers towards his inner thigh. </p><p>"Yes," Alex moaned and decided that he either needed to put his drink down or finish it. He settled on the later and downed the rest of it in one gulp, "That was getting in my way."</p><p>"Was it?" Winston laughed and raised his glass, "Cheers!" and he downed the contents of his own drink.</p><p>Alex moved closer to Winston on the couch, wondering how he had kept himself from touching the other boy as long as this. He planted his lips on Winston's soft, supple ones, gently caressing him. His lips tasted like a sugared lemon from the drink. Winston's hand was still between Alex's thighs, slowly inching closer to his groin. </p><p>"Oh, I see, "Winston started to say, Alex interrupting him by placing his index finger on the other boy's lips.</p><p>"Shhhhh..." The alcohol was making Alex feel bold. While he tended to be more reserved, he did have a more daring side that sometimes would come out when his inner self-doubt was overcome. Sometimes it manifested itself as a comment no one else was willing to make. He was starting to discover with Winston, in private, this bolder side manifested itself sexually. It hadn't come out with Jess as she preferred to be in control and he always went along with it. As he shushed Winston, he kissed him harder this time, playfully nibbling his bottom lip. Winston responded by moving his hand directly on his cock, stroking it through his pants, which resulted in another groan involuntarily escaping Alex's lips. </p><p>The second drink Alex had consumed much more rapidly than the first was hitting him hard. He wasn't sure if he was slightly dizzy from the alcohol or from the kissing. What he was sure was that he was once again enjoying his little tryst with Winston. </p><p>"Can we move to your bedroom?" Alex asked, not even caring how forward he sounded. Winston responded by getting up, grabbing Alex's hand and leading him upstairs to his bedroom. Alex tripped up the stairs a little, causing them both to collapse in fits of laughter. It took them a few minutes before they recovered and climbed the rest of way to Winston's room. They were both feeling the effects of the alcohol at this point. </p>
<hr/><p>"You know I meant what I said earlier, via text," Winston announced once they arrived in his bedroom. </p><p>"Patience young grasshopper?" Alex guessed, looking puzzled. He honestly couldn't remember at this point and was mostly wanting to continue what they'd started downstairs.</p><p>"No, I know you thought I was joking, but when I said you could fuck me if you wanted to…"  Winston's voice trailed off, seeming slightly unsure. </p><p>Alex's eyebrows lifted in realization, wide-eyed expression gracing his face, "Oh that...uh…" He had only taken it as hot banter, nothing more.</p><p>"I mean, we don't have to, if you aren't ready. But if you're ready, I'm ready," Winston finished.</p><p>"It is just I've never…" Alex's voice trailed off, whatever false confidence brought on by the alcohol evaporating with this proposition. </p><p>"I know. I can...teach you," Winston paused for a moment but didn't break eye contact. His eyes communicated both passion and gentleness, and he seemed to be pondering something before saying, "I don't want to pressure you. I just want you to know that the option is, you know, available."</p><p>"Thank you," Alex said gently, facing him, grabbing Winston's right hand with his left and running his other hand through his soft unruly curls. He wasn't ready yet. It had only been eight days since their first kiss. Eight glorious whirlwind days, where they could scarcely get enough of each other. Gazing into his piercing hazel eyes, he said, "I'm not...ready. Can we keep doing all the other things...for now?"</p><p>Winston answered by moving in and gently kissing Alex. He responded with deepening the kiss, parting Winston's mouth with his tongue. The curly-haired boy replied again by undoing the buttons of Alex's dress shirt and discarding it on the floor. Alex mirrored him, undressing Winston. Once Alex was shirtless, wrapped his arms around Winston, pulling him closer. He could feel his body respond to the skin to skin contact, his nipples becoming erect as they brushed Winston's. The tingling sensation spread downward, and Alex could feel himself become hard. Alex could tell Winston could feel it too, as an almost wicked smile crossed the curly-haired boy's face, as his hands reached down to undo Alex's belt and pants. Alex was practically completely disrobed now aside from his now tented boxers and socks. </p><p>"You seem to be wearing too many clothes, rich boy," Alex teased, almost immediately regretting saying something so corny. Still, the alcohol seemed to be making it impossible for him to be embarrassed. Without thinking, his hands seemed to be undoing and dropping Winston's trousers. "There." Alex looked at Winston now satisfied the other boy giggled as stepping out the pants that were pooled around his legs.</p><p>Winston walked behind Alex, reaching his hands around him, teasingly brushing them against Alex's hard-on.  Leaning his head over Alex's shoulder, he whispered into Alex's ear, "I think you are still wearing too many."</p><p>"Oh, do you? What are you going to do about it?" Alex challenged, smiling. He wanted Winston to finish undressing him, although he was enjoying their banter and teasing.</p><p>Winston started running his fingers just inside the waistband of Alex's boxers, "What do you want me to do about it?"</p><p>Instead of telling him, Alex placed his hands over Winston's and guided them to remove his last article of clothing, other than his socks that is. Winston took off his own boxers, and they resumed kissing, Winston guiding them towards his bed. </p><p>They collapsed into Winston's bed, facing each other, legs entwining and their penises brushed sensually against each other, causing Alex's breath to hitch. Usually, Alex felt insecure about his body. Still, there was something about how Winston was touching him, arousing him that helped him feel at ease with him. Winston started to slowly rock his hips against him, the friction increasing his sensitivity as he became even more aroused. </p><p>Winston  stopped and asked, "Is this ok?"</p><p>"Fuck, yes," Alex managed to gasp out, "Don't stop!"</p><p>Winston laughed, and Alex could feel him resume the rhythmic thrusting. It felt so good, and he could already feel the pre-cum leaking out, helping their cocks glide past each other as they continued. </p><p>As both the pleasure and the tension built, Alex felt his mind go blank. It was almost as good a feeling as the actual sex as his mind was rarely quiet, but there it was. An empty mind as he leaned his hips into the movements Winston was making, every move bringing him closer to climax. Alex reached up towards the other boy's lips and planted a passionate kiss on them. Winston reciprocated. </p><p>"I'm close," Alex breathed. </p><p>"Me too." Winston gasped as he felt Alex's fingers dig into his back. Moments later, he felt all the tension release, as he ejaculated all over Winston's abdomen. Shortly after that, the other boy reciprocated, and they were both covered in a sticky, hot mess. </p><p>Both of them were breathing heavily as Winston collapsed on top of Alex. </p><p>"Fuck...." Alex let out a sigh.</p><p>"Fuck good or bad?" Winston asked, stroking Alex's hair.</p><p>"That was fucking great, I stopping thinking for a whole five minutes. Thank you." Alex realized that sounded weird after he said it, but Winston didn't seem to notice. </p><p>"Thank you, too. Well, shall we get cleaned up?" Winston raised his eyebrows and smiled. </p><p>"Uh...yeah," Alex responded, and they made their way to the washroom that was connected to Winston's bedroom to shower.</p>
<hr/><p>It was almost two in the morning when they slid into bed in their pajamas. They lay beside each other, and Alex looked over at Winston and said, “Thanks for tonight. It was perfect.”</p><p>Winston couldn’t help but smile as Alex gazed into his eyes, “Your welcome, I’m glad you like it.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Winston,” Alex whispered as he ran his fingers through Winston’s curly hair one last time. Winston loved it when he did that and closed his eyes as he savoured the feeling.</p><p>“Goodnight, Alex,” Winston replied, wrapping his arm around Alex’s waist. Alex turned, snuggling his ass into Winston’s groin, accepting the position of little spoon. While the sex had been great, the intimacy of cuddling was equally intoxicating in a different way. He breathed in Alex’s freshly showered scent, sighing as he relaxed into the warmth of the other boy’s body.</p><p>As he spooned Alex, Winston became lost in his own thoughts. He was pleased with how the evening had gone. He had been really nervous as he wanted Alex to like everything he planned. Winston couldn't believe they'd only been seeing each other for a week. It felt like longer to him. <em>Love is love, </em>he thought to himself. Winston always fell for people too quickly, and it usually resulted in him getting hurt. He was falling for Alex, and maybe it was too fast, but he didn't care. Winston looked over at Alex, whose light brown hair was slightly tousled, slightly damp from the shower. His eyes were closed, and he looked peaceful lying beside him. Alex wasn't asleep yet, but perhaps on his way based on the slowing of his breath. Another thought passed through Winston's mind as he watched Alex fall asleep,<em> I'm probably going to get hurt again. </em>Winston didn't know why he thought that, but every relationship he’d ever had, had ended in heartache. Still, Winston continued to put himself out there because despite the sarcastic quips he deep down, he believed in love or at least he wanted to. His experiences so far hadn't given him much evidence that it exists. His parents' relationship was a loveless sham, complete with abuse. But somehow he wanted to believe that true love exists.</p><p>Winston pushed those thoughts from his mind instead focusing on the rhythmic breathing of Alex’s breath. Eventually, this lulled him the most profound and comfortable sleep Winston had experienced in some time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I thought I'd be able to finish this story in 10 chapters, but I'm at 9 and have a whole week before the camping trip, so we'll see. Please consider leaving a comment if you are enjoying this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Always Prepared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex and his Dad go shopping for camping gear.</p>
<p>Or the short filler chapter where Alex's Dad is way more excited about camping and the associated shopping trip than Alex is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Saturday, February 23, 2019</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alex was awakened too early to the sound of his phone vibrating at around 7:30 am. </p>
<p><strong> (7:29 am) Dad:  </strong>Hey, Buddy!</p>
<p>He rolled over and texted him back.</p>
<p><strong> (7:30 am) Alex:  </strong>hey dad, i'm still sleeping</p>
<p><strong> (7:30 am) Dad:  </strong>How are you texting me if you are still sleeping?</p>
<p>Alex rolled his eyes. </p>
<p><strong> (7:32 am) Alex:  </strong>what do you want, dad?</p>
<p><strong> (7:33 am) Dad:  </strong>Oh, I just wanted to know when you'd be home. I want you to come shopping for camping stuff with me.</p>
<p><strong> (7:33 am) Alex:  </strong>i'm still sleeping, so noon?</p>
<p><strong> (7:34 am) Dad:  </strong>i can pick you up if you like. </p>
<p><strong> (7:34 am) Alex: </strong> no, that is fine. Winston will drop me off at noon. I love you dad </p>
<p><strong> (7:35 am)  </strong>Dad: ok buddy, see you at noon</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Who was that?" Winston asked him, eyes squinting sleepily. </p>
<p>"Oh, just my Dad. He wants to take me shopping for camping."</p>
<p>"I'm so excited about the camping trip!" Winston exclaimed, almost too excited.</p>
<p>"Are you serious? Camping is the worst. You don't seem like the camping type. Fuck, I'm not the camping type."</p>
<p>"I've just never been. My family vacations involve going to the family chalet." </p>
<p>"Can we discuss how awful camping is later? I really want to sleep for a couple more hours before I go. I told my dad you'd have me home by noon."</p>
<p>"I could get behind that, but only if you spoon me now," Winston demanded.</p>
<p>"Anything to sleep for a few more hours." Alex rolled over and put his arm around Winston's waist, and he felt the other boy snuggle in. Alex enjoyed the warmth and decided he could definitely get used to this.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Winston got Alex home around noon, and his Dad was eagerly awaiting to bring him shopping for camping stuff. Alex hated camping. If his father hadn't volunteered to chaperone, he probably would have tried to get out of going. Camping was just another reminder of how he wasn't like Peter. Peter was a boy scout and then worked his way through the Scout ranks all the way to Eagle Scouts. Alex didn't make it past being a Boy Scout. After being forced to participate from age 6 to 10, his mother finally talked his father into letting him quit. He remembered how happy he was that he'd no longer have to pretend to like camping for his father's sake, until the senior camping trip. He must have done an excellent job pretending because his dad kept talking about camping together like the good old days. Alex felt like he remembered different trips from the ones he remembered. All Alex remembered was being cold and not sleeping well on the hard ground. And the fact that he was generally shitty at all the tasks that earned you badges, or at least all the ones involving the outdoors. </p>
<p>"Buddy, you ready to hit the REI for some new camping gear?" Bill Standall exclaimed. </p>
<p>"Can I shower first? Maybe eat something…" Alex tried not to exude the complete lack of excitement that he felt on the inside because he really didn't want to let his father down. Still, he could tell by the look on his dad's face that he wasn't succeeding. </p>
<p>"Aren't you excited about the senior camping trip?" </p>
<p>"Excited to spend a couple of nights not sleeping well on the ground. Yeah, I can't wait," Alex couldn't hold back on the sarcasm. </p>
<p>"Buddy, you only get one senior camping trip. It is going to be so much fun. Tell you what. You shower, and I'll take you out for burgers before we go pick up some gear."</p>
<p>"I do like burgers," Alex conceded. </p>
<p>"And we haven't had much of a chance to spend time together recently," his dad gave him a loving look. It was a look he couldn't remember his father giving him before he attempted to take his life, but one that he frequently saw his dad give him now. Their relationship was different now, especially now that Alex understood his dad loved him for him, even if he wasn't like his brother. </p>
<p>"That's true, dad. I'll go shower."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>After a quick shower, they went to Rosie's for burgers and milkshakes. </p>
<p>"Mmmm this burger is soooo good," Bill exclaimed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, uh it is," Alex was a little puzzled at his dad's reaction, "Uh Dad… do you always only eat the healthy food that mom makes us? Like you must eat out for work sometimes?"</p>
<p>"Alex, of course, I only eat the food your mom makes," he dad insisted.</p>
<p>Alex just nodded knowingly and shook his head as he watched his dad savour every last bite of the forbidden food. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even though they were shopping for gear for one of Alex's most hated activities, they had a good time together. They picked out some new outerwear for Alex, so as his dad put it, "You can't complain about being cold." Which caused Alex to roll his eyes again, and his dad chuckled. His dad also bought them both new sleeping pads, which were extra thick so Alex couldn't complain about sleeping on the hard ground. This induced another eye roll from Alex.</p>
<p>When they got home, they unpacked their new gear and started to organize the old equipment. Alex's dad gave him another one of those warm, grateful looks and said, "Thanks for entertaining me on this one, Buddy. I know you aren't looking forward to this trip and I really appreciate you coming along and spending time with me, even though it isn't your thing. I love you so much, buddy." He could see his Dad's eyes glisten a little. </p>
<p>"I love you too." And Alex wrapped his arms around his Dad and hugged him. <em> I guess it wouldn't kill me to pretend to enjoy camping one more time for his sake,  </em>Alex thought as his dad released him from the hug.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Tent Drama</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A lighter chapter about the high school drama surrounding who is going to bunk with who.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Sunday Evening, February 24, 2019 </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Alex did homework all day on Sunday, only interrupted periodically by text messages from Winston and Tyler. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (3:08 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: so about camping, u want to share a tent?</p><p><strong> (3:09 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>u think we can, without people suspecting anything?</p><p><strong> (3:10 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: i mean, we already spend all our time together… i almost think it might be more suspicious if we don't</p><p><strong> (3:12 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>i mean of course I want to, i just don't want it to be weird</p><p><strong> (3:12 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: it is only weird if you make it weird. guys share tents all the time</p><p><strong> (3:13 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>true</p><p><strong> (3:14 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: i mean this is one of the few times heterocentrism is in our favour. If I was female, we wouldn't be allowed to share a tent</p><p><strong> (3:14 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>i guess they aren't worried about me getting u pregnant on the camping trip</p><p><strong> (3:15 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: LMFAO I mean true</p><p><strong> (3:16 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex: </strong> <em>  i'm </em> guessing the only other people that are going to want to share a tent with me are Zach and Tyler.</p><p><strong> (3:17 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: true, you want me to talk to Tyler? U can talk 2 zach?</p><p><strong> (3:17 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>sure</p><p><strong> (3:18 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: cool, am I picking you up tomorrow?</p><p><strong> (3:18 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>yeah</p><p><strong> (3:19 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston </strong>: sounds good</p><p> </p><p>While that plan sounded easy, neither Winston nor Alex brought up the subject of tents right away with either Zach or Tyler. Both Monday and Tuesday passed without a mention of this conversation from either of them. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Wednesday Afternoon, February 27, 2019 </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong> (2:19 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston:  </strong>Have you talked to Zach yet?</p><p><strong> (2:25 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>No… Have you talked to Tyler yet?</p><p><strong> (2:30 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston:  </strong>no</p><p><strong> (2:32 pm) </strong>   <strong> Winston:  </strong>Meet me in the yearbook room after school? ;)</p><p><strong> (2:32 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>sure</p><p> </p><p>When Alex showed up in the yearbook room, and it was empty, but the red light was on. Alex hated that stupid light. He never knew if it was actually ok to go into the darkroom. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (3:45 pm) Alex:  </strong>r you here?</p><p><strong> (3.45 pm) Winston:  </strong>yes… i'm in the darkroom. come in</p><p> </p><p>Alex reluctantly entered the darkroom. </p><p> </p><p>"You know I just turn that light on to keep people out, right?" Winston chuckled.</p><p>"You know I've been well trained by Tyler to respect the light," Alex said matter of factly. </p><p>"And I kind of find your slight discomfort at ignoring the light adorable."</p><p>"Oh, do you? I suppose you didn't lure me in here to watch you develop pictures?"</p><p>"Unless you want to watch me develop photos." </p><p>"I mean, I've done more boring things. It would be a step above watching paint dry."</p><p>"You've watched paint dry?" Winston put his finger on Alex's lips, "Wait, don't answer that…" </p><p>Winston leaned in and replaced his finger with his lips. Alex quickly reciprocated, sucking lightly on Winston's bottom lip. </p><p>"You see, with the light on, we can do this, and no one bugs us."</p><p>"That is nice." Alex leans in and kisses Winston again, "Sorry I haven't talked to Zach yet. I just…"</p><p>"I failed to talk to Tyler… tomorrow?"</p><p>"Tomorrow." Alex kissed Winston again. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Thursday Morning, February 28, 2019: Spanish Class </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"So are you excited about the senior camping trip?" Charlie cheerfully asks him. </p><p><em> For fuck sakes, how is he so happy in the morning?  </em>Alex thought. </p><p>"I hate camping," Alex returned, "So not excited." Alex now felt both Charlie and Winston staring at him. </p><p>"I don't get it, Charlie. I mean, I'm excited. I heard that the trip can get a little crazy," Winston smirked. </p><p>"Apparently, that is why I've been invited, to keep the crazy under control," Charlie stated in a responsible tone. </p><p>"But you aren't a senior," Winston noted. </p><p>"I know, but I'm the team captain of the football team, so they think I can help keep the boys in line."</p><p>Winston just smiled, like he doubted Charlie's ability to keep Diego and his crew in line," Right. Well, good luck man, I think your work is cut out for you."</p><p>"You do?" Charlie looked nervous now like he suddenly doubted his ability to chaperone the football team. </p><p>"I mean…" Winston's voice trailed off.</p><p>"Alex, do you think I'm doomed to fail?" Charlie's eyes were wide, visibly panicked like he took his role all too seriously.</p><p>"Nah, just bring 'em some of your famous cookies," Alex shot a look towards Winston to cut it out, Winston grinning, clearly pleased about making Charlie squirm.</p><p>"So, who are you sharing a tent with? Zach and I have space in ours if you want?" </p><p>"Uh...Winston and I were… uh going to share a tent. I love Zach, but he snores. I'm going to have enough trouble sleeping." Alex was tripping over his words</p><p>Charlie looked mildly disappointed, "Suit yourself." </p><p>The second bell rung and Ms Ramos promptly, shut the door and started class.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Late Morning Thursday, February 28, 2019</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Alex received text messages from three people in his next class. Zach was first.</p><p><strong> (10:01 am) </strong>   <strong> Zach:  </strong>dude… u r ditching me again for... winston wtf</p><p><strong> (10:02 am) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>uh well I didn't want to come between u and charlie and plus you snore</p><p><strong> (10:02 am) </strong>   <strong> Zach:  </strong>oh, rlly? this conversation isn't over, Standall</p><p> </p><p>Alex just rolled his eyes and shoved his phone out of his teacher's sight. </p><p>The next message was from Ani, which Alex found really weird because she only ever talked to him when she was trying to find something out. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (10:03 am) </strong>   <strong> Ani:  </strong>Who are you sharing a tent with during the camping trip?</p><p><strong> (10:04 am) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>winston, why do you care?</p><p> </p><p>And then Ani didn't respond. </p><p>The last person that texted him was Jessica. He half expected another question about his tenting status and rolled his eyes preemptively, but it was just as biting. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (10:05 am) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong>so are you back to not talking to me?</p><p> </p><p>He wasn't sure why she was saying that. They had texted and tried to arrange a time to meet, and both of them were otherwise occupied, Jess with Diego and Alex with Winston. He couldn't deal with her right now so he turned his phone from vibrate to silent so he could actually concentrate.</p><p> </p><p>When Alex finally looked at his phone again at lunch, he only had one message from Winston. </p><p><strong> (11:45 am) Winston:  </strong>I guess u got out of talking to zach?</p><p><strong> (12:03 pm) Alex:  </strong>not exactly</p><p><strong> (12:04 pm) Winston:  </strong>what do u mean?</p><p><strong> (12:05 pm) Alex:  </strong>i think he is mad at me for not being in his tent</p><p><strong> (12:07 pm) Winston:  </strong>what r u going to do?</p><p> </p><p>Just as Alex read the last text from Winston, Zach walked up to the table he had been sitting at alone and sat beside him on the same side. Charlie was also with him and sat across from Alex. Zach put his arm around Alex and said, "Look, we've been friends for a while."</p><p> </p><p>Alex nodded, "And…"</p><p>"So we'd like you to reconsider our offer to have you bunk with us on the trip? Come on, Alex. We haven't had any quality, Zach and Alex time."</p><p>"I'll have you know, I tried to have some quality Zach and Alex time, and you turned me down." </p><p>"True. But I just sort of had this vision that it would be us and I guess Charlie now on this trip together."</p><p>"And it still will be. We can spend lots of time together on the trip. Winston doesn't have many friends, so if I ditch him, I'm not sure he'll have anyone."</p><p>"Awww Alex why do have to be so nice? Just ditch him" Zach chanted. </p><p>"You remember what happened with Hannah? I try to make sure I don't repeat those same mistakes. I already told Winston I was sharing with him, and he is excited. He'd be crushed if I told him I was going with the two of you."</p><p>"Again, he speaks reason and logic. I guess you win this round, Standall."</p><p>"Not even playing the game."</p><p>"Ok, but I want some Zach and Alex time," Zach countered, "Ride with me to school for the rest of the week. I know Winston has been driving you around. He can take you home." </p><p>"Deal," Alex agreed, and Zach squeezed the arm he had around Alex and smiled at him. They ate lunch together like old times. After lunch was over, Alex texted Winston. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (12:59 pm) Alex: </strong> i smoothed things over with Zach. have you talked to tyler yet?</p><p><strong> (1:00 pm) Winston:  </strong>not yet, we are doing yearbook stuff this afternoon, i'll talk to him then</p><p><strong> (1:01 pm) Alex:  </strong> oh, and zach is driving me to school the rest of the week, it was part of the deal. </p><p><strong> (1:02 pm) Winston: </strong>oh good, i get you when you are more pleasant. </p><p><strong>(1:02 pm) Alex: </strong>hey, what is what supposed to mean?</p><p><strong>(1:03 pm) Winston: </strong>let's just say you aren't a morning person</p><p><strong>(1:03 pm) Alex: </strong>fair point, can I still get a ride home from u?</p><p><strong>(1:04 pm) Winston: </strong>sure, u know where to find me</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> After School, Thursday, February 28, 2019 </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Winston didn’t know why he was nervous to talk to Tyler but he was. They were developing some pictures that Winston took at the dance.</p><p>"These are great," Tyler noted, looking a cute picture of Charlie dancing with Estella. </p><p>"Thanks. So you excited about the camping trip?" Winston asked. </p><p>"Yeah, I actually love camping. I used to go all the time with my dad," Tyler reminisced, "I just love being outside and capturing the beauty of nature with my camera."</p><p>"For sure. I'm pretty excited. I've never been camping."</p><p>"Really? Like never?"</p><p>"I mean, we have a chalet, but I doubt that it is the same as tenting."</p><p>"Haha yeah, be prepared to not sleep," Tyler laughed, "I mean it can take some getting used to sleeping on the ground."</p><p>"So who are you sharing a tent with?" Winston asked quickly, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he felt. </p><p>"Oh Tony already asked me to share his tent, sorry," Tyler looked at Winston awkwardly as if he felt like he was letting his friend down. </p><p>"No, that's cool," Winston nodded.</p><p>"You aren't, like, alone or something?" Tyler asked gently. </p><p>"Uh no, actually, Alex and I are sharing a tent," Winston stated.</p><p>Tyler raised his eyebrows, "You and Alex? Cool."</p><p>To Winston, it seemed like Tyler was stopping himself from saying something. Before he could say something, Tyler continued, "You really like him, don't you?"</p><p>Winston looked down and then back up to Tyler, "Yeah, I really do."</p><p>Tyler smiled but didn't say anything, continuing to work on developing the pictures. Then he stopped, "Does he like you?"</p><p>"I think so; I mean, I hope so," Winston admitted. </p><p>Tyler nodded and kept working silently for a bit, "Well, whatever the two of you are, I'm happy for you."</p><p>Winston was surprised and thought back to the day Tyler helped him and Alex practice that stupid Spanish skit. <em> He must have seen them.  </em></p><p>"Thanks, Tyler and uh Tyler... nobody knows so..." Winston's voice trailed off.</p><p>"I won't say anything," Tyler smiled and gave Winston a protective look, "but you better not hurt him." </p><p>"I won't, I mean I will try not to. I care about him, a lot, you know?"</p><p>"I know, I care about him a lot too, and I don't want to see him get hurt. He's been through a lot," Tyler finished, "Speak of the devil…" </p><p> </p><p>Alex walked in as carefully as he could. Winston had really confused him about the light situation.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey… I hope I didn't wreck anything, I know I'm not supposed to come in when the light is on, but I thought if I was careful…" Alex's voice trailed off nervously.</p><p>Tyler smiled, "No, we're just finishing up. Actually, I was just going to head out. See you both tomorrow?"</p><p>Alex smiled and nodded, and Winston replied, "Yeah, have a good night Tyler."</p><p>When Tyler was out of sight, Winston said, "He knows."</p><p>Alex looked confused, "Knows what?"</p><p>"About us. I didn't tell him. I think he might have seen us that day he helped us, when he came back for his phone."</p><p>Alex just nodded, "Well, of all people to find out, Tyler is the least likely to say anything."</p><p>"Yeah, he said as much. Well, that is one friend we don't have to hide from, "Winston smiled.</p><p>"Yeah, but I'm still not ready to tell people… one day… just not yet."</p><p>"I get it. I can continue to enjoy having you all to myself," Winston grabbed both of Alex's hands, "You know I care about you, right?" </p><p>Alex just looked down and smiled, "Yeah, I get that impression." As he finished, he looked into Winston's eyes and then planted the gentlest kiss on his soft lips. Winston reciprocated, continuing to caress Alex softly. It didn't have the same raw passion as their kisses often did, but it was different in a good way. For Winston, he felt his world lurch and unsteady. It was like he could feel himself fall more for Alex every moment, and it both scared him and exhilarated him. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Evening, Thursday, February 28, 2019 </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Alex didn't realize he hadn't texted Jessica back until after dinner when he decided to look at his phone.<em>  Shit, She is legit going to think I'm avoiding her now,  </em>Alex thought to himself. If he was honest, he was, and he wasn't. Mostly it was that he was spending a lot of time with Winston. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (7:59 pm) Alex: </strong> i'm not avoiding you, we've both been busy</p><p><strong> (8:05 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong>but you couldn't be bothered to text me back until now?</p><p> </p><p>Alex felt irritated again, which made him not want to respond to her. Still, something was obviously up with her, and it likely had nothing to do with him. Jessica could be biting when something was bugging her. </p><p> </p><p><strong> (8:06 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>something is bugging you, want to chat</p><p><strong> (8:07 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong>it is everything and nothing. I just feel like I have no one I can talk to?</p><p><strong> (8:08 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong> i get that. u can always talk to me</p><p><strong> (8:08 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong> i just don't want to burden you</p><p><strong> (8:09 pm) Alex </strong>: fair, have you thought of talking to someone outside of all this?</p><p><strong> (8:09 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong> no... but I feel like we don't ever spend any time together. wanna sit together on the bus?</p><p><strong> (8:10 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:</strong> don't you want to sit with diego?</p><p><strong> (8:11 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong>hey, you have a new best friend too... winston?</p><p><strong> (8:11 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex:  </strong>fair point, deal we can sit together on the bus</p><p><strong> (8:11 pm) </strong>   <strong> Jessica:  </strong>fml forever?</p><p><strong> (8:12 pm) </strong>   <strong> Alex: </strong>fml forever</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm thinking either one or two more chapters to finish this up. The next chapter will be a sad one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Freaky Friday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone is preparing for camping.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Smut warning: Slightly smutty towards the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span>Friday March 1, 2019</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Morning</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Zach was five minutes late picking Alex up Friday Morning. When Alex entered the vehicle, he was happy it didn’t smell like bourbon like the last time he rode with Zach. It was hard to believe that two weeks had passed since Zach had driven them to the dance. Alex felt like so much had happened in the past two weeks. He shut the car door and put his seatbelt on, and Zach pulled away from the curb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Decided to show up? I was starting to worry you’d forgotten about me?”Alex teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me? Ditch you? Never. In fact, you are the one who has ditched me. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Zach rebutted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw you yesterday. Did you realize there was only one day left in the week when you said you’d pick me up for the rest of the week?” Alex smiled. It was nice bantering with Zach again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I fully intend to negotiate for Alex chauffeuring privileges for next week as well. I’m done with Winston getting you all to himself,” Zach intoned semi-seriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you are jealous,” Alex laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, not jealous, but don’t forget your old friends,” Zach smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded, staring forward, expression blank, thinking to himself that he had been spending a lot of time with Winston. It was nice spending time with someone who didn’t know everything. It made it easier to not think about the bad stuff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could never forget you. And I’d love for you to “chauffeur” me every morning next week if you want,” Alex offered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would love it, wouldn’t you?” Zach teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Alex rolled his eyes at Zach’s comment, they pulled into the parking lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well this was nice, I’m glad you’ve agreed to let me drive you next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make me regret it!”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex walked into school and noticed Tyler standing just inside the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Alex,” Tyler greeted him warmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Alex replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you ready for the big camping trip?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As ready as I’ll ever be, “Alex sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t like camping?” Tyler asked, somewhat surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, but I guess it is a once and lifetime experience so…” Alex’s tone dripped with sarcasm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they talked, they watched Clay walk by looking very paranoid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I guess he is back from his suspension?” Tyler noted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I guess,” Alex confirmed, but had his doubts as to how ok Clay was. He didn’t look right. He looked as if he could just lose it at any time. Just then the first bell indicating that they should head to class rang and Alex and Tyler headed to their respective classes. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Later that morning</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:03 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> so what are you doing after school?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:03 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex: </span>
  </strong>
  <span>nothing, why? </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:03 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Winston:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> want to come help me pack? Make sure I don’t bring anything dumb?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(10:03 am)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex: </span>
  </strong>
  <span>sure</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>After School</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After school, they made their way to Winston’s house. There was Chinese take out on the counter with a note encouraging Winston to feed his guest, so they ate before taking a look at Winston’s camping problem. Winston’s room was full of various pieces of camping gear, a fair amount of it unnecessary. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, you really did need me to come here to help,” Alex laughed, “You probably don’t need most of this. You do realize we are only going for two nights, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to be unprepared,” Winston defended his piles of gear, “And my mom felt bad for not being around much lately, so she took me shopping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just raised his eyebrows and shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh you judge, but we’ll have the nicest tent in the camp.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Camping is something to be endured. I’ve never found my gear made a difference.” Alex said matter of factly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh well, maybe the company will help?” Winston smiled and winked at Alex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh maybe… I guess we’ll see. You know we won’t be able to spend all of our time together though? My friends have noticed how much time we’ve been spending together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have, have they?Interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know if I’m ready to have them know about us, so we’ll have to spend some time apart. I’ve already told Jessica I’d ride with her on the bus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jessica? I didn’t know you were close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess I haven’t talked much about her. We, uh, used to date, I guess multiple times. She is one of my best friends, but our history is, uh, complicated.” Alex’s mind couldn’t help but think, </span>
  <em>
    <span>She watched me kill someone, it doesn’t get much more complicated than that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>“</span>
  </strong>
  <span>I see.” Winston just continued to organize piled camping gear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyhow, she asked me if I would. I think she is getting flack for dating Diego too. It kind of makes senses, though. She gave the jocks such a hard time last year. Tried to cancel boys sports.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems like an impressive class president. I don’t think I’d want to mess with her.” Winston noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has that effect on people. Anyhow, for clothes, you need lots of layers. You only need your toothbrush and some deodorant for toiletries. There aren’t showers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston frowned, “No, showers?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No showers,” Alex confirmed, “I don’t hate camping for no reason. It is dirty, and the ground is hard and cold, and I generally don’t sleep well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are really selling it to me,” Winston chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need this sleeping pad. Nice job, this one is really comfortable.”Alex noted, “And this sleeping bag and this flashlight are essential. And this solar phone charger. Definitely not necessary, but kind of nice. Although I’m opting to go tech-free for the weekend. Plus, I think they are taking our phones for the stupid fucking scavenger hunt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me how you really feel, Alex,” Winston mocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you want me to tell you how I feel, do you?” Alex teased him back, tackling him onto his bed, tickling his ribs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston burst into laughter, barely choking out, “Alex, stop!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stopped, tickling Winston, instead of wrapping his arms around Winston, in a giant bear hug, rolling on top of him, kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, is that how you feel?” Winston said, returning the kiss, deepening it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…” Alex said cheekily as he continued kissing him. Alex could feel both himself and the other boy become aroused as they continued to make out with each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the moment. Gone were the thoughts of Jessica or the idea that he was spending too much time with Winston. If this was too much, he was ok with it right now. He could feel Winston’s hands, deftly undo his pants, and he opened his eyes just long enough to make eye contact with the other boy who asked, “May I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex simply, hummed, “Mmmmm hmmm,” closing his eyes again, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel Winston slowly move down towards his growing hardness. He knew exactly how to pleasure him, precisely what rhythm to use to drive him mad with desire, and it wasn’t long before he came inside Winston’s mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, um you are really good at that,” Alex complimented the other boy, running his fingers through his unruly dark brown curls, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve had a decent amount of practice. Too many Hillcrest boys who claimed a mouth was just a mouth and that they weren’t gay. I didn’t mind, though. Giving turns me on…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston was, indeed, turned on, his cock visibly pushing against his pants. Alex moved his hand down and started massaging Winston’s hardness. He then undid Winston’s pants and asked, “Can I return the favour?” Winston nodded, and before long, they both had found release. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex lay back on Winston’s bed, tired from the effort, and Winston came and lay his head on Alex’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Winston gazed into Alex’s deep blues eyes affectionately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They cuddled for a while when Alex’s phone went off. He glanced and noticed it was an email from Clay. He locked his screen before Winston could see what it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I should go home. I have to pack myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll take you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks again and I’ll try not to be too much of a downer. I know you are looking forward to this trip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww Alex, that means a lot to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex simply smiled in return. In these short moments with Winston, Alex could swear that this was what happiness was supposed to feel like. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Friday Evening</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Winston dropped Alex off, Alex greeted his parents quickly before heading straight to his bedroom and shutting his door. He unlocked his phone and opened the email from Clay up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Guys, I know every one of you is a good person. You’ve kept my secrets, and I’ve kept yours, but we’ve all done terrible things. I can’t live with that anymore. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder. I can’t live like this. We can’t live like this. I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way. Something has to change. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if we just told the truth? We hurt people, and it’s time to come clean. If we don’t all confess to what we did, I’m going to tell everyone the truth at the senior share campfire.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking Clay, </span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thought. He quickly texted him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(8:59 pm)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Alex:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> WTF Clay</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>(9:13 pm)</span>
  </strong>
  
  <strong>
    <span>Clay:</span>
  </strong>
  <span> I got hacked. It has to be Diego and those guys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex threw his phone angrily on his bed and thought, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe it would just be better if I did confess?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to sleep well tonight. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading this far. Next chapter is the camping trip so it will either be the last chapter or second the last chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Camping is the Worst</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Winston is excited to go camping, but it doesn't exactly go the way he pictures.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of Bryce's murder, Smoking, Angst</p><p>Mostly told from Winston's POV because we get to see Alex's on the show.  I did use the lines from the show in a few sections, obviously, they are not mine.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Saturday, March 2, 2019</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston managed to secure a window seat in the middle of the yellow school bus that was to take them to the legendary Burnham Wood. Some quiet girl chose to sit beside him, and Winston was just happy she didn't want to make small talk with him. He stared out the window, watching the scenery go by as they made their way into the countryside. The seats upholstered in rigid vinyl that was cracked and repaired with duct tape had seen better days. The seats were definitely uncomfortable, and Winston was regretting not taking the option to drive himself. The bus seats reminded him that this was likely the start of many new and painful experiences that made up camping. He was excited, despite Alex's scathing reviews of camping. Winston liked to judge for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Occasionally, Winston shifted his focus from the scenery that passed quickly outside his window to watching Jessica and Alex, who were seated in the frontmost seat. Alex's dad was sitting across from them. For two friends, they said very little to each other. Both wore headphones, and Alex's head was leaned up against the window. From Winston's angle, he couldn't tell if Alex was sleeping or just staring. Even just looking at the back of his head, gave Winston butterflies in his stomach. Even though their relationship was mostly secret, he considered Alex his boyfriend. Winston wasn't a stranger to dating boys that weren't out yet, so for him, their relationship almost seemed normal. Or at least it was his usual. Part of him liked the secrecy and found it made things more exciting. Another part of him just wished they could be open with everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before long, they reached their destination. Mr Standall stood up at the front and addressed the bus, "Ok, listen up. We are going to unload in an orderly fashion. The front half of the bus will disembark first, and once they have grabbed their bags, the rest of you can get off the bus. Do you understand?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Mr Standall finished, the excited chatter got louder as the students started to stand up to wait for their turn to leave the bus. Winston watched Jessica and Alex get off the bus first, and he could see them grab their bad. They seemed to be having a serious conversation, and then they walked away towards the campsites. Winston was a little surprised and maybe even hurt that Alex didn't wait for him but figured it was because they were trying to lay low. They hadn't discussed that, but Alex did say that people were starting to notice the amount of time they were spending together. He was up next to disembark, and he quickly grabbed his bag and headed in the direction he saw Jessica and Alex walk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burnham woods was beautiful. Large redwood trees shaded the area that they were to camp in. Some students were already selecting sites to pitch their tents. Winston scanned the area and spotted Alex alone at a site with a tent still in its tent bag. He headed towards him and dropped his pack by a log at their campsite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Winston greeted him, "Would you like a hand with that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I was waiting for you, so you could have the full camping experience. Putting up a tent can be both satisfying and frustrating," Alex deadpanned, as he pulled the tent out of the bag. They worked together to unroll it, and then Alex removed the poles from the pack and started putting them together. While Alex did not appear to be enjoying the process, he did seem to know what he was doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You've camped a lot?" Winston asked as they fed the newly constructed pole through the loops in the tent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, my dad loves camping. I was a boy scout for 5 years until my mother convinced my father to stop torturing me by making me participate. My older brother did all the scouting levels. We go camping as a family once a year."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sounds fun," Winston replied, thinking he'd love to have a family that did things together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, you already know how I feel about camping so…" his voice trailed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they finished putting the poles in, Alex used a small sledgehammer to pound the tent pegs into the ground. Winston helped Alex put the fly on, and then he proceeded to stake it down.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>After loading their bedding and bags into the tent, Alex went to the washroom. He didn't get far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he passed Clay's tent, Clay called to him, "Hey Alex, can I talk to you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure…" Alex replied, slightly annoyed as he did need to use the washroom "What do you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you dating Winston?" Clay said as he looked back towards Winston and Alex's tent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dude, that's… I am not dating Winston, I mean, that's crazy," Alex scoffed, eyes shifting back and forth. He was hoping Clay bought the lie. They had never really defined what they were, but it was a stretch to say they weren't dating. He consciously fixed his face into a neutral expression, something he had too much practice doing. Inside, his stomach lurched, and he felt nauseous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alex, Ani saw you in the hallway at the dance," Clay continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head and felt his facial expression contort briefly to shock, while inside his emotions churned and his voice came out irritated, "That's not anyone else's fucking business."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Actually it is," Clay intoned nervously, "Winston can alibi Monty for the night of Bryce's murder. They were together. Winston told Ani right after Monty died."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt confused, and he couldn't keep it from showing, "So Winston and Monty? But Monty wasn't gay. Was he?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"People surprise you," Clay replied, looking pointedly towards Winston again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What was that supposed to mean?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thought to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was Clay surprised about him as well?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The panic was welling inside Alex, "Does he know what I did?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, but it feels like he knows something's up. Ani thinks Winston might have sent the email. Has he asked any questions about Monty or Bryce or me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn't remember. At this point they had spent so much time together it was hard to know. Probably, but he couldn't remember what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stammered, level of irritation rising in his tone "I don't know, maybe? You and Ani knew about him all this time? Why are you just telling me now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We just wanted to be sure. No one else knows yet."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wanted to be sure? Sure about what? Sure that Winston could alibi Monty. Sure that something was going on between Winston and me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex's thoughts were spiralling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What am I supposed to do?" Alex asked, eyebrows rising above his worried eyes. He shook his head, "It's...I… I mean, we're just, like...I don't even know what we are. I don't know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Look, whatever it is, it's not safe."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex made his way toward the bathroom as that is where he'd been going anyhow. He oscillated between angry, unsure and hurt like someone had stabbed him in his heart. If it had been a nicer bathroom, Alex might have stayed there longer. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't want to do it. Alex had to end it with Winston. He didn't want to. He liked Winston, but he no longer felt safe, given what Winston knew. He was angry at the possibility that Winston was only with him to get information. He wanted to believe that wasn't true given everything that had happened between them in the past two weeks. Alex also felt guilty. He knew how much he was going to hurt Winston, and really, it was his fault. If he hadn't killed Bryce, he wouldn't be in this position in the first place. But for now, it was easier to feel angry than hurt, so Alex focused on the possibility that Winston had been playing him the whole time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched the tent he was supposed to share with Winston for a while and waited until Winston wandered over toward Tyler and Tony's tent. He quickly returned to their tent and packed up his things. Alex left as soon as he could as to avoid Winston. He would talk to him eventually; he just couldn't right now. But fate had other plans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex heard Winston's voice come from behind him, "Alex."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ignored it and kept walking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Alex. Wait up!' Winston called again. Alex looked back to see Winston running after him, and felt his stomach sink. He didn't want to have this conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's going on?" Winston asked, rushing toward him, "Why'd you pack you stuff?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm going to bunk with my dad tonight," Alex managed to spit out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Why?" Winston looked hurt, and inside, Alex felt his stomach turn again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't do this anymore," Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Camping?" Winston responded, his face now looking somewhere between hurt and confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn't believe he wasn't getting it, and he spat, exasperated, "No, us."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?" Winston sounded more heartbroken every time he spoke, "Did I do something wrong?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I just.. I'm not sure I'm into guys," Alex replied, not able to make eye contact with Winston when he said it. He didn't even believe the lie as it left his lips. Winston of all people would see right through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't believe that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't know how I feel," Alex doubled down, committing to the lie even if it was ridiculous. His stomach now hurt, almost as if he was physically responding to the lies that were exiting his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston sounded desperate, "Tell me what I did wrong. Please, I promise I'll fix it." </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh Winston, unless you can bring back the dead… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't fix it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't I deserve an explanation?"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You do. This isn't fair. But I can't explain without telling you what I did.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thought to himself. He could see Winston's eyes glisten as if tears were welling up in them. Alex couldn't watch; he couldn't bear that he was causing Winston so much pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I gotta go," Alex called out as he rushed away, toward his father's tent.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winston was in shock. He seemingly had the worst luck with love. First Monty, the homophobic jock that had beaten him up last summer, the boy that Winston had seen something beyond his rough exterior. But he ultimately found out later about what Monty had done to Tyler. Despite that, Winston still loved him and was upset when the news had come that Monty had been killed in prison. And now, seemingly out of nowhere, Alex breaks up with him. He was pretty sure he loved Alex too. He made his way back to his tent, where he just lay by himself. Winston didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. Somehow it felt worse that he was supposed to be sharing this tent with Alex. He lay there until the first senior share campfire, which he wouldn't have gone to, except that it was mandatory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was sitting across the fire from him. Winston was trying not to stare at him as he puzzled through why his relationship had come to an abrupt end. When the question about regrets was posed to the group, nobody looked happy. To Winston, it seemed likely they all had a lot of regrets. This did not escape the chaperone who quickly chose a new question which was: "Who do you trust most in your life?" His eyes briefly met Alex's neither of them giving much away with their respective expressions. But the previous warmth Alex's eyes usually communicated when meeting Winston's was gone, replaced with an icy blankness, which combined with his stony facial expression was chilling. Winston felt his heartbreak a little more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston made a mental note when Diego answered, talking about how much he trusted and missed Monty. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Perhaps he wants to know what really happened to Monty as well, </span>
  </em>
  <span> Winston thought. After the fire, Winston headed straight to the bathroom first, then his tent without speaking to anyone. He noticed Alex had disappeared equally quick. As Winston lay down in his tent, he could feel something in him break. Tears rolled down his face, and it took everything he had in him to suppress the sobs that wanted to well up from his throat. He succeeded, and the only sounds heard outside Winston's tent came from the excited chatter amongst the other campers. As people eventually went to sleep, just the soft sounds of the wind blowing through the trees and the more distant sound of water lapping against the shore could be heard. Eventually, Winston drifted off into a restless sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><h3>
  <span>Sunday, March 3, 2019</span>
</h3><p>
  <span>Winston woke up feeling like he drank too much the night before, but it was just from the lack of sleep. He dressed and made his way to the main area where everyone was gathered to get the clues to the scavenger hunt. Winston saw Tyler and Tony sitting towards the front of the group near Alex. While he didn't really want to sit near Alex, Winston was hoping he could talk to Tyler, so he took a chance and walked up and sat beside Tony who was sitting next to Tyler. He wondered if Alex had told him anything yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Winston greeted both of them as normally as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hi, where'd you disappear last night?" Tyler asked, concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I wasn't feeling good, so I called it a night early," Winston replied, eyes looking downward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You still look a little off, are you sure you are ok?" Tyler was one of the nicest people Winston had ever met. Always so earnest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm fine. Hey, you want to go together for this?" Winston asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm with Tony, but you can come with us if you like. Aren't you going to go with Alex?" Tyler said loudly enough that Alex looked back at them. Their eyes met, and Alex gave him the same icy look at the night before, the rest of his face expressionless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nah, Alex said he wanted to go with Jessica," Winston responded. He didn't actually know this but assumed based on the fact that he was sitting beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chaperones went over the rules of the hunt, and everyone exchanged their cell phones for clues. Winston watched Alex walk off with Jessica. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Winston, are you coming with?" Tyler called after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh yeah, I'm coming", Winston replied, coming out of the daze he was in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they walked through the forest, Tyler was in charge of navigation because he had done scouts before and knew how to use the GPS device. Tony looked less than impressed with the activity like he'd rather be doing anything else. Winston was moping, eyes cast downward as he shuffled through the forest, being careful not to trip over any roots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is up with you?" Tyler pressed, "You seem sad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston wanted to say something, but Tony was right there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston went to open his mouth, but no words came out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can tell me, Winston. Whatever it is." Tyler said gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston gestured at Tony. He hoped Tyler would understand and was happy when a knowing expression crossed Tyler's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Tony- can you go look over there for the clue? I'm going to go this way with Winston."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh sure, whatever Tyler," Tony said, wandering toward the location that Tyler pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Tony was out of earshot, Winston said, "Alex ended it. I don't know why, and he won't talk to me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Winston, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to try to talk to him?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Would you?" Winston pleaded, expression shifting from sad to hopeful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure. Take this GPS and the clues and head back towards Tony and I'll meet up with you both later." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston wandered back toward Tony as Tyler took off towards the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where is Tyler going?" Tony asked, worried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He said he'd meet up with us later." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony just shook his head and started walking away from Winston. Winston walked quickly to keep pace with him. It was going to be a very long day.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tyler was quickly able to find Alex. Alex looked sad, and while the conversation had started out cordial, it promptly became tense when Tyler brought Winston up. Tyler was shocked at the revelation that Winston and Monty had been together at Homecoming and that Winston had likely been trying to get information from them the whole time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Alex walked off angrily, Tyler sat on the bench and stared out at the water for a while. He felt angry and betrayed by Winston. Tyler also felt sad because he genuinely liked Winston as a friend. It had been a while since he had someone he could really chat about photography with. Someone who actually understood him. His friends were great, but they didn't always share his interests. He worried that maybe he had said something to Winston that might get them in trouble and started to think back to every moment, but there were too many. They had simply spent too much time together. He didn't even really want to face Winston. He decided to wander around the forest, taking pictures, and if Winston found him, he found him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zach and Alex had taken the boat out and were now yelling, "Fuck it all!" at the top of their lungs. Suddenly, Alex lost his footing and fell straight back into the water from the boat. He sank in the water, and he could swear it felt like someone was pulling him under. When he opened his eyes, he saw Bryce there, and his arms were wrapped around him. It felt like Bryce was pulling him under. All Alex could think was that this is what Bryce must have felt when he drowned. When Alex killed him. He could feel Zach's strong arms grab him and pull him up out of the water and to shore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both panting, soaked on the shore, sand sticking to their wet skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zach laughs, "Alex, you almost died. Are you with me or what? Talk to me, come on. What the fuck is going on, man?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sobs gently, "Shit's so fucked up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, you think?" Zach scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat for a bit, catching their breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remember, you can tell me anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded tears flowing down his face. All the emotions he had bottled up since he had broken up with Winston seemed to be pouring out of his eyes. He had managed to even keep it together in his father's tent the night before, but no more. The floodgates were open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Zach, you know how I have been spending a lot of time with Winston lately?" Alex sharply inhaled, his breath catching as he let out another soft sob. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes? And?" Zach pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We were more than just friends," Alex managed to choke out, between sobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And obviously you aren't anymore…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Zach, Winston can alibi Monty. He was with him the night of Bryce's murder."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shit…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. And Clay thinks that Winston was just trying to get information from me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Alex… what do you think?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know," Alex sniffled, "You know what the worst thing is? I feel bad for hurting him. Like if I hadn't killed Bryce I wouldn't be worried about being caught, I wouldn't have to break someone's heart to protect myself. I wouldn't have someone trying to be with me to get information. How am I going to live like this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know…" Zach shook his head, "I haven't exactly been doing great with that myself."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We are so fucked up," Alex sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zach nodded, "We are."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a long pause, he continued, "Well, let's go get dried off. You want to bunk with Charlie and me tonight?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure," Alex agreed as they headed back up to camp. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winston had been wandering around the forest for a little while when he came across Tyler lying on a log taking pictures. He was happy to see someone and greeted Tyler warmly, "Hey."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you just leave Tony alone?" Tyler asked as he fiddled with his camera. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He seemed to prefer it that way. Did you talk to Alex?" Winston sounded hopeful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tyler's head was down, and he kept looking at his camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tyler, whatever he said, I can take it, just tell me the truth."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Like you told me the truth?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why didn't you tell me you were friends with Monty?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who told you that?" Winston was surprised by the information Tyler had. It had to be Clay that told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were just pretending to be my friend. Just using me like you used Alex."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is… is that what Alex said?" Winston was hurt that this was the assumption.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is it true?" Tyler pressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston looks down, "It's complicated." It</span>
  <em>
    <span> was</span>
  </em>
  <span> complicated. He'd be lying if he hadn't tried to get information out of Tyler and Alex at the beginning. But he had stopped once they had become friends. Once he and Alex became more than friends.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston walked towards Tyler and sat on the log next to him, "I knew Monty a little bit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why didn't you tell me?" Tyler asked, tears welling in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's because of what he did to you," Winston replies. Tyler wiped the tears from his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston continued, "And you were the first person to ever be nice to me at Liberty, and I hoped we could be friends. Because I needed a friend." Winston could feel the tears welling up in his eyes too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tyler got up and quickly started walking away and called back toward Winston,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Aren't you gonna finish the hunt?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Tyler was out of sight, Winston sat on the log staring out in the direction Tyler had gone, tears streaming down his face. Winston had never had a lot of friends, but to lose not one but two friends in one weekend broke him. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winston wandered around rather aimlessly all afternoon before making it back to camp. After they ate dinner, the last senior share campfire occurred, and Winston even made a passive-aggressive jab at everyone. It felt suitable for a brief moment, and then he resumed feeling shitty again. After the fire, Clay accused him of who knows what. One thing was for certain: Clay was unhinged. Winston was sure that Monty and Bryce's murder were the reasons why. On his way back from the bathroom, he stopped by Clay's tent and let him know he hadn't given up his quest for the truth. If he was going to lose two friends over it, he might as well commit. Winston returned to his tent and got into his sleeping bag, trying to sleep to get away from his thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lay in his tent, alone, not sleeping for many hours. He contemplated smoking, the self-destructive habit he sometimes engaged in when he was upset. Winston wasn't worried about getting caught because Mr Standall and Mrs Jensen were probably the most clueless chaperones ever. He waited until the camp had gone quiet, he put his jacket back on and grabbed the unopened pack of cigarettes he had brought with him. Winston almost left them at home but decided to put them in his bag just in case. For a rich kid, Winston hadn't been fortunate so far in life, so he tended to prepare for the worst. He hadn't smoked since coming to Liberty and even before it hadn't been a regular thing. It was something Winston did when he was feeling particularly tragic about life and tonight was one of those nights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston removed the cellophane from a fresh pack of cigarettes. He extracted one of the all-white cylinders and placed it between his lips. Winston rummaged in his jacket pocket for the lighter he always kept there. It was a silver zippo, passed on to him from his grandfather. Probably not the best gift for a ten-year-old, but behind closed doors, his family wasn't very appropriate. Like most WASP families, they had several skeletons in their closet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winston brought the flame to the tip of the cigarette. He gently pulled on it until he knew it was lit, exhaling the first puff without inhaling. He brought the cigarette back to his lips, pulling on it for a few seconds, letting his mouth fill with the acrid smoke. He paused briefly tasting the bitterness of the smoke before inhaling it deep into his lungs. He held it in for a few seconds before tilting his head and releasing a tight plume of smoke into the night sky. Almost immediately, a feeling of intense relaxation washed over him while his heart beat a little faster and harder. The irony that smoking was deadly but also made him feel more alive was not lost on him. Just like his love of vinyl over digital music, he never did see the appeal of Juuls or electronic cigarettes. The aesthetic was as much part of the attraction as the sensation. It was too late for Winston to unsee smoking as glamorous. Even though he knew it was a lie, years of glossy photography funded by Big Tobacco trying to sell a particular image. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he watched the tendrils of smoke rise from the tip of the burning cylinder, he contemplated the events of the past two days. He lost not only Alex but Tyler as a friend. Alex breaking up with him, seemed to come out of nowhere. There was something he couldn't quite place. Obviously, Winston knew they were friends with Ani and Clay. His initial reason for befriending wasn't innocent. Still, neither Tyler nor Alex seemed to have much information, so he had stopped asking them questions in favour of actually being friends with them. There was also the fact that in the time he'd been at Liberty, Winston had seen them both hang out with him or even Charlie more than Clay or Ani. So he questioned how close either of them was to the whole situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this weekend's events told a different story. Winston didn't know how, but Clay comes back from his suspension, and suddenly Alex breaks up with him. The two events had to be connected. Not to mention, how uncomfortable Jessica, Zach and Clay looked at the fire. Especially when Alex said the word confess and let it hang in the air before deadpanning in true Alex fashion, "I fucking hate camping." His friends looked ready to jump out of their skins. Winston wanted to hate Alex for hurting him, for breaking up with him with the shittiest, most unbelievable reason ever, but he couldn't. It made Winston think someone told Alex to break up with him because every time he saw Alex that weekend, he seemed sad and broken as if Winston had been the one that broke his heart. If only Alex would talk to him, maybe it was a huge misunderstanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took another long drag off the cigarette, once again pulling the smoke deep into his lungs. With every inhale, his chest feeling slightly heavier, matching the heaviness of his heart. The wind blew the smoke into his eyes, causing them to water a little. Surely it was the smoke and not tears. He had already cried enough over this. Winston brought the burning cylinder to his lips again, watching the cherry glow bright red in the dark as he applied suction. The taste became less bitter as his taste buds were coated with the tar. Not that he minded the bitterness, it matched his mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the wind blew the smoke away from Winston's eyes, it was clear that tears were running down his face. He choked back a sob, choosing to attempt to soothe his broken heart with more toxic smoke. And while in some ways it was comforting, he could feel the slightest nausea from no longer being accustomed to the nicotine and the mild dizziness due to the carbon monoxide. Knowing to smoke this cigarette any further would likely add retching to his sobs, stubbed it out. He sat there in the quiet, dark, cold night for a while, until the nausea and dizziness passed before making it back to his tent to sleep, alone. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've made it this far, thanks for coming along for the ride. I mostly wrote this for my own curiosity, I had to know what happened between them. This is my personal take and I'm sure there are infinite others. </p><p>When I started, I thought I would write a story where they don't break up but I really don't think Alex could be with the person that could alibi Monty. That said, even though Walex is not my end game ship, I'm willing to write some AU stuff where they end up together. I just don't think they'd stay together at this point in time. Let me know if that is something that interests you. </p><p>If you liked it, let me know in the comments.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first fanfic, so be gentle. </p><p>I've already written the next three parts and have the others planned out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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